


Define Us

by rainysunset



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Dating, Developing Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Help, Hopeful Ending, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 44,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22855231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainysunset/pseuds/rainysunset
Summary: Rianne's life broken into pieces. Everything falls apart, leaving her with no passion, no motivation, no purpose to keep on living. She thought that this is the end. But someone comes into her life, someone so perfect with everything on his hands, except his famous cassanova personality. Park Jaehyung, being the perfect man he is, grab Rianne's hand one windy night. Together they're trying to find meaning. Of her, of him, of them.
Relationships: Park Jaehyung | Jae/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning.  
> Might be very sensitive for certain people, contains sensitive words such as suicide, death, ending life, sex.

I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I hate how unlucky I am, how stupid and pitiful I am. I hate how weak and unpowerful I am living in this world. I hate how fate always cruel to me, I hate people around me, I hate how fate keeps making me meet bad people, makes me acquaintance with them and ended up with them do bad things to me. I feel like unfairly treated, and I hate the fact that it actually happened because of me, because I let them. I somehow let them treated me unfairly. I am such a pitiful trash of human.

I take a sigh, a countless time already, looking up the night sky very pitifully.

In the end it's all because of me. I was stupid, I'm still a stupid person that trust those people words easily. That's why I hate myself more. I cursed at myself hundred times already, but I still hate myself so much. Why I live exactly? For what exactly I'm exist? The world seems fine without me, no one feel lost if I disappear.

I blink, still facing the sky, "Should I just end it all?" I whisper to myself, gulping down. Cold night air blowing my ears.

I want to give up already, so bad, since a few years ago. I don't even know why I try to hold on this much. Everything will just stop if I give up and end this. I'm a loser to begin with. Why I put so much effort to change that fact?

I feel a tap on my shoulder stopping my thoughts so I turn myself then face a man looking at me in apologetic way. I give him a questioning look.

"I'm sorry, but..."

I frowning my forehead because he suddenly get closer to me, like so much closer, invading my private space just like that.

"What are you do..."

But my words got silent by his lips on mine. He put his lips on mine! Just like that. He is a stranger, for god's sake! Why?!

I'm frowning my forehead even more, feeling panic starts to consume me while my eyes looking around buildings behind us in shocked, searching help from someone. Then I see a woman, in a tight red mini dress, just walking out of the five star restaurant, looking at us with so much anger on her eyes. She's stop walking midway, really shooting her killing gaze to him, to us. I see her grip on her purse tighten, and somehow my brain clicks here and there and process this weird situation so fast that I come to a realization about what is happening here right now.

Maybe it's because of many bad and unfortunate things that happened to me recently, or maybe because of the feeling of giving up on life that consuming me just then, I feel like I don't care anymore with life. I don't care anymore about myself, I don't care anymore about what will happen to me later after this, so I do thing that my old self will surely never do in this strange situation.

I kiss him back.

I see him open his eyes right before I close mine. I tilted my head and kiss him back, put my hands on his shoulder, acting out. I'm sure he needs a getaway from that woman, from whatever his situation with her. Or not. I don't know. He might be just crazy no-manner young man who bored with life and like do crazy thing with stranger on the street.

I don't know. And I don't care. I really don't care anymore. Maybe I'm insane too already.

And despite of his surprise of my reaction to his action, he move closer to me making no air left between our bodies, put his hands on my waist too then kiss me deeper.

Wait.

What is this?

What am I doing?

What is he doing?

We completely kissing now. Really, literally. We moving our lips slowly to each other, filling every space. He also tilted his head to kiss me deeper, searching a better angle then starting to suck my lips that makes me grip his neck tighter, unintentionally feeling his skin on the tip of my fingers.

Don't moan, I said to myself.

Don't moan, Rianne.

But then he grip my waist tight and found that perfect angle to suck me deeper, so I moan. I can't help but moan. Weird adrenaline fill me, the rush, the pleasure, the intense feeling that I don't easily found suddenly filling me up. I kissed my boyfriend, well ex boyfriend, three weeks ago before we broke up, and it didn't felt like this. Not even close. This just happened. Without warning, suddenly, fast.

And just as fast as it happened, it ended, so sudden just like how it started. I lost his lips and his grip on my waist in a blink, and when I open my eyes, I see him get a slap, hard, from the women in red dress who I saw before I closed my eyes. I feel like I'm the one who got the slap because it makes me realized what I just did. I'm out of breath, because of the kissing and because panic starting to consume me again.

What did I just do?

I blinking my eyes, looking at them. The woman in red dress pouring down a glass of water on top of his head, then throw the empty glass to the ground angrily. It broken into pieces, the glass. And I smell soda. That was soda, not water, it's all over his hair and running down his face now, slowly, making this situation even more dramatic for her.

He just flinch once, wipe the skin around his mouth with his palm calmly, without looking angry or annoyed a little bit. He keep his straight face, like he has been standing in this kind of situation often before.

"Tell your mom to end this. I don't like you either, a little bit. You're such a jerk, the baddest one. You will never get married ever, no one willing to be with you, no one willing to live with you and make you the first choice." The woman in red dress give him her last sharp glance, "Remember my words, Park Jaehyung, one day you will fall hard but never get to have her, she will never choose you, and you will ended up spend your life alone in despair and agony. That's how you'll pay for what you did."

Then she left. She turn herself and walking fast to opposite direction then disappear towards the basement parking lot.

Leaving me alone with him in an awkward silence.

I see him chuckle before turn himself to me, I take a step back automatically, my eyes still blinking in panic.

He eyeing my luggage before speak, "You can't get a taxi here. It's an exclusive area, people drive their own car that taxi driver not interested to pass this area."

I biting my lips. So what? So what are you implying from that statement? Are you gonna do something bad to me or what? Should I just pour you water too for the sudden rude kissing you did?

"Wait here, I'll give you a ride to... wherever you need to be." He showing me a questioning look, demand a respon from me.

"I'm fine." My throat soar so I clear it awkwardly. Is it because of the kissing? I grip my luggage tighter.

"Just wait here, I'll be quick." He said then turn around, this time not minding my respon. He run a little to the same direction the red-dress woman disappeared just then.

Now I'm in the middle of serious debate with myself. The sane side of mine tell me to just get out from here, run somewhere to avoid that stranger, because he is strange indeed. But the hopeless insane side of mine tell me to stay, to see what exactly that stranger trying to do with me, to see where is this strange situation going, to see where it leads me to.

The second option is tempting, strangely. I don't even know why I consider that in the first place. But the sane side of me win. It always win, so I walk fast leaving this place. I hope I walk in the right direction to the place I'm heading, but I don't know. It's dark and I'm not good at navigation.

A car honk at me not long after I walk, the light spotted me just like those spotlight at the concert stage, it kind of blinding my eyes a little when I turn around. But I run the moment I saw his face, that crazy stranger face, behind the wheel. I don't know why I run, did I do something wrong? No.

Why I run? Is it because I'm afraid? Or just my instinct to avoid danger? I don't know too, but I still run with my luggage beside me.

And give up two minutes later because one, my physic is weak; and two, it's useless, his car is gonna win the race anyway. So I give up, out of breath, place both of my hands on my kness, tired already. I really hate myself.

"Do you think you're gonna win this car?" He said after pull down the window.

I'm breathing fast, close my eyes for awhile before finally standing straight up.

"Bus station is still far from here, are you sure you want to walk there? It's late, aren't you afraid?"

"Do you think you're not freaking me out?" I said still in between breathing in and out hard and fast.

"I'm freaking you out? Why?"

"Don't get off!" I said spontaneously when I see him about to get off the car. I took a step back.

"I'm not that kind of person. I swear. You just happen to be there at the right moment to save me from that woman. I'm sorry if I freaked you out." He said softly. His voice soften and slowly, he get off the car.

And I don't know what to think. My mind is in a mess. My situation and mental condition is in a mess. Seeing someone who willingly give me a ride is like an oasis in the dessert. I did standing there on the street for more than an hour already to get a taxi, but as he said, no taxi passing by this damn street. Why in the world Sungjin has to live in such area, though? Is he really that rich of a man now that he can afford a place to live in this kind of neighborhood?

My goodness it makes me feel more like a loser now.

I watch him take my luggage from me so casually and put it inside the car. He walks to the door again, saying "Get in." without looking at me at all.

I sigh one last time and gulping down. Alright, I don't know anymore. I just want to end everything as soon as possible. Finish this and end everything right away. I'm tired.

"Where?" He said as soon as I sit down on the passenger seat.

"The closest sauna."

"Really? This late? Are you homeless or what?"

That question hit me hard. That one word "homeless" really hit me hard. I am homeless now, and I don't know what to do. I might be jobless too tomorrow, and I don't know what to do with it either. And in a couple weeks, I might be penniless too. Once again, I also don't know what to do about it.

I want to cry so bad.

He doesn't ask anything anymore, maybe he read the change of expression on my face, so without asking anything more, he drive the car. And here comes again the awkward silence.

Wow. A random stranger kissed me on the street and I kissed him back shamelessly, but now I'm on his car thinking maybe he's not that jerk of a man because he provide me a ride. I'm a loser.

"I'm sorry for what I did earlier, and... thank you so much." He said trying to break the ice.

"You need a getaway." I try to keep looking to the front, try my hardest to not sound waver because I'm practically holding my tears right now.

I don't care already about what just happened, I'm more worry about myself for the next three days. I lied to Sungjin about living at my friend's house temporarily. I don't have that thing called close friend for letting me live with them for a couple days. Or weeks. Sungjin is my only friend but it's impossible to live there with him while he has Nayeon watching his every moves everyday, especially his interactions with me. Relationship is cruel like that. It takes my best friend away in a cruelest way.

"But I'm not that kind of person, really. I'm not a pervert or anything, it's just you were there being the perfect getaway I can think of, so..." He take a deep breath, "... and I won't do any bad things to you."

"You already did bad thing to me. Do you know that kissing a stranger on the street is a bad thing?" I lose my control, I turn my head and see him annoyingly.

He look at me in the middle of his driving and I realized then that his black suit is gone, leaving him just with white shirt, the sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, his front hair is wet because of the soda. But I don't smell soda anymore honestly, maybe he clean that with water already. His driving stance is so manly that it makes him look so attractive. Handsome.

Ugh what am I thinking, really.

"But you seemed to enjoy it, though." He smirk then smile while still looking up front to the street.

Damn.

I growl a little, back to facing the street, I bite my bottom lips nervously. I know that man keeps glancing at me every once in a while, I feel it.

"And I thank you for that. You made the whole scene looks convincing. Now I'm free from her, thanks to you."

"So you give me a ride."

"So I give you a ride."

I look at him again, "You can just tell her you don't like her?"

"But my mom will still make us married. It only works if she's the one who break the agreement. It's kind of complicated." He glance again at me, "But it solved now. I am free." He smile excitingly.

That damn smile.

When will I be able to smile like that again? Will it ever happen to me again someday somehow?

"But... do you really need to go to sauna at this late?" He asked again after a long silence.

I hum quietly to answer him.

He taking glance a couple times again, "Why? Are you really homeless? You bring your luggage..."

"Don't mind it. You don't care about it anyway." I said unbothered.

Well, I try to. But inside I'm frightened. His words hit me again, I really homeless right now. What should I do?

Another silence, but this time, it lasts until we arrive in front of a nice and modernize sauna building. Out of all places, why in the world he brought me to the expensive one?

I sigh. Alright, one night here and I'll search another one under the bright light of the sun, not in the dark like this. I still need to making up stories for not being fired tomorrow, geez. I'm tired of living, can everything just stop for awhile? Or just stop completely already?

The man, who I guess to be a chaebol based on his car and appearance, get out of the car too, even before me. He kind of run a little excitingly to the back of his car to take out my luggage. He doesn't need to do that, honestly. But maybe he's too happy to the fact that he's free from that red-dress-woman right now. He seems to enjoying his life more as a freeman.

"Thank you."

"You don't need to, I'm the one who thankful."

"Okay, then, whatever." I turn myself to the sauna's entrance and not bother him anymore, walking fast without looking back even once.

-


	2. Chapter 2

**-Jae's PoV-**

I run out of my apartment unit fast with a phone on my right ear. I pass the elevator to be able to keep on the phone, thank god I live in 3rd floor so I can bear running through the stairs to the lobby.

"Yes, that building, right in front of K Apartment. Please hurry up." I said still in panic.

"Are you sure it's a human? Not only a shadow or anything...?"

I angry, "Do you think I'm imagining things?!" I scream just when I'm outside of my apartment building. "There's a woman on the rooftop! Do you hear me? A WOMAN ON THE ROOFTOP! What do you think she's doing right there on the rooftop at this hour?!"

"Okay, sir. Please relax, don't panic, help will coming around 5 minutes."

I start to walking fast again, to the other side of the street, to that building, my heart beats so fast I never thought I'll be able to feel this again. I never feel so panic in my life like this. "Bring an ambulance, just in case... you know..."

"I understand sir. Once again, don't panic, and stay away, we're on our way. May I know whom I speaking with?"

"Jae."

We're disconnect the call after he said thank you for my report and what I'm going to do next is completely opposite from what the man on the phone told me to.

The door of this building isn't locked eventhough all the lights are off, maybe that woman opened it, I don't know. Darkness welcomed me and I go right to the elevator and press the highest floor.

My heart beating fast and with this quietness I feel like I can hear them, I counting them auomatically, to relax me. It sometimes work in some situations, but this time, I don't think it's work. Because I feel like it beats harder instead when I running up the stairs to the rooftop.

What am I doing?

I can just stay at my unit just like the man on the phone told me. I can stay away. But here I am, on the rooftop of this building, facing the dark sky, feeling the hard wind of late autumn slapping my face, looking at the back of a woman who standing in the edge of this rooftop. I take a deep sigh as I focus on the movement of her long black hair, the wind blows at it so hard, not helping this situation at all.

The door to the rooftop close with a thud sound, make the woman turn around. Our eyes meet and time feels like stopping for a second.

I know her.

That realization makes me stop walking.

I kissed her senseless on the street a couple days ago. It was one of the best unexpected kiss I've ever had.

I see her frowning her forehead to me, as she finally realized she knows me too. I let out a sigh again and start approaching her.

"Don't come." She said softly. So quiet that the sound of the wind almost beat it effortlessly.

"You come to me then. Come here, talk to me."

She look at me thinking about it, but she decided to decline it fast. She's back to facing the sky, grip the iron pole right beside her. I walk closer and eventually see her back moving up and down along with her breathing. She must be scary too, right? Her body and gestures can't hide it.

"Life is worth living, I promise." I already just a step away from her, ready to any kind of sudden move.

"I'm the one who's not worth it." She said with determined voice.

"No, you're my hero. You saved me from ridiculous fate I might facing..."

"I hate it. I hate that day and I hate you too. I hate myself, I hate everything." She cut my words, now in a relax way, it's rather peaceful.

And I know she's already made up her mind.

Help. Where's the help? They said five minutes but where is it? Please, it pass five minutes already. I talk annoyingly to myself inside my head. I take one step closer, kind of bent down a little in ready position, my heart beating fast. I hear sirene, faintly.

"Please don't, things will get better." This might gonna be my last attempt to change her mind.

"I just want to stop. I'm tired, I want it to stop."

I move fast automatically when she lose her grip on the pole. I don't know how, everything happen so fast, but the last thing I know is I grip her hand. I successfully grip her hand with my right hand after she jump. It's just really a mere seconds, I don't know how, but my reflex seems pretty useful this time. I thank god the timing.

Now it's me who grip the pole tightly with my left hand, look at her down there, hanging. And the wind really doesn't help at all, her body swaying so much, makes my grip on her wrist loosen little by little. The sirene sounds louder, nearer. Please.

She lift up her head to look at me, "Let go." She said very peacefully.

Why, though?

She was scared just a moment ago, but why she looks so relax and peaceful now? And why I hate to see that? I don't know her, I have no responsibility to stop this from happening, but I'm here. Hold her with all my best I start to griting my teeth.

"I'll help you." I whisper in the middle of steadying my breath, and mind, and my heartbeat. Now I'm the one who scared.

I see an ambulance coming at the edge of the street from the corner of my eye.

"I'm tired, let me go." She whisper so quietly. She touch my hand that grip her, take my fingers away one by one from her.

"No." I shake my head but she doesn't see it. My face must be full of fear right now.

I lost her.

I lost the grip and I lost her. I don't even able to scream I'm too scared, my heart beats so fast and I close my eyes right before I see her body meet the ground.

I'm breathing hard, my right hand still hanging, still feeling her fingers that try to take away my hand from her. I heard someone scream "Quickly!!!" and brace myself to open my eyes. The sirene sounds so loud now breaking the quiet and peaceful midnight, it's like I stood right beside it. And it brings the horror to my ears, I'm dizzy and shivering.

I see her body being moved to the ambulance, they moves so fast, without wasting anything. And just as fast as it coming, the ambulance leaving this place. But the horror remains.

I still breathing hard, melt myself down, I sit with my back touching the cement wall leaning to it. I think I can't walk right now, am I trembling? I close my eyes trying once again to steadying my breath and heartbeat, I hear footsteps.

"Jae?"

I open my eyes and see two cops.

"Are you okay?"

I take one last deep breath and shake my head, "No."  
  


"Are you sure you don't know her?" Wonpil asked.

"No." I close my eyes, leaning my head to the passenger seat. Should I repeat all of my answers at the interogation room just then to him? I'm tired and I need sleep so bad, something to make me forget that scene.

"Try to remember it again, she's not one of those woman you slept with? Are you sure?"

I growl, "No, for god's sake!"

"So why you ran there to the rooftop? You don't know her, so why?"

"I told about it to the police, I saw her from my apartment window, I called 911 for help."

"But why you were there on the rooftop and tried to stop her from jump?"

"Do you ever be in that situation?"

"No."

"That's explaining, then."

"What?" He smirk, "You pity her, that's why you went to the rooftop and tried to stop her?"

"I hope you somehow experience that situation so you can feel what it's like to watch someone ready to jump from the top of building with both of your eyes from your apartment window." I said mumbling, still closing my eyes.

Silence for awhile but he whisper to himself, "But I still don't understand, you don't know her, you called for a help already, but still went there. Why? You, of all people. You, the one who slept with different woman every weeks..."

"Not every weeks." I cut him.

"...every two weeks..." He corrected it. "Why you did that? I never imagine that kind of heroic act from you, unless..."

"I swear to god, I don't know her. Just saw her once on the street a couple days ago."

"See? A new detail revealed. You saw her once on the street? There must be something, then."

"Nothing important." I said and try to be nonchalant, "Just two strangers passing by on the street."

"But you remembered her face and the fact that you passed by her on the street."

"Can you stop? I told the police already. I want to sleep." This is so annoying. He is so annoying, he always be.

Wonpil sighing, "Good to be your assistant. Being called in the middle of the night ruining my sleep time to picking you up at the police station is surely one of the perks of being your assistant. Why did I agree to work with you again?"

"Cancel all the meetings tomorrow, I might not wake up until eleven."

He sigh again, "And that is the common perks, canceled meetings. I live with it everyday."

I'm not answering him again and start to drifting away with one thought on my mind: she must be dead, right?

-

**\- Jae's PoV-**

  
I walk in unison with Wonpil in the hallway. Clean and fancy hallway, to the meeting room he set for me. Another important meeting waiting for me, but my focus is not here in me yet. I try to not think about it, but end up think about it. I still think about it.

That night, that scene. That terrifying feeling I felt after I came back from police station. She must be dead, right? It was the first ever death I see with my own eyes in my whole life. Am I feel traumatized by it? Is thinking about it often like this can be called as traumatized? Should I go to psychiatrist or something?

These thoughts really makes me unfocus through the meeting.

"Are you sure, Sajangnim?" Wonpil asked when I just grab my pen to sign a paper.

Sungjin also look at me in disbelieve.

I look at Wonpil, "Sungjin already analyzed this thoroughly."

Wonpil closing his face to me from the place he's standing beside me, "And you believe it?" He whispering.

"Well..."

"You usually double check it first, Sajangnim..." Sungjin said hesitantly too.

I sigh, "I believe you this time. If there's something wrong with this, I'll find you." Then I sign the paper, Wonpil close his eyes and bite his bottom lip disagreeing my decision. "Let's end the meeting here, then." I said after give the report I just signed to Wonpil, who then passing it to Marketing Manager who sit in front of Sungjin, Head of Internal Control division.

Everyone leaving this room without questioning it, except Sungjin, of course. My strong rival in this building. It's not a secret anymore, although people doesn't talk about it openly, everyone know that my parents like this guy in front of me so much. There's a rumor going around the wall of this building that he can be the next CEO eventhough I am the rightful heir of this company. My mom never hide the fact that he likes Sungjin's attitude as a leader, eventhough his ideas, visions, and capabilities are not that different than mine. He is clean, a model student people will look up too. It proved just then, no one questioning my decision if the report already touched by Sungjin and got his approval.

"It wasn't like you." He said after Wonpil done escorting the last people out of this room. He close the door and wait outside. "You're spaced out a lot too through the meeting."

"I don't know you has many interest in me that you notice it." I said quietly without looking at him.

"We're friends." He shrug his shoulders.

I smirk, "I believe we're not anymore."

"Whatever, then. It's good actually, getting a report approved easily like that. I hope you'd believe in me more often and sign the paper like that in the future, for a faster execution."

I look at him long, "You just lucky that I'm not in the mood today."

He smirk and stand up, "Boba helps." He turn around.

I groan, "I said it many times, I hate boba!"

But he's not respon to it, just walking out of the room unbotherly.

Wonpil come in not long after.

"I'm going home."

"Huh? There's another meeting at 3, which is like... in two hours..."

"Cancel it."

He sigh very tiredly, "Not this again, Jae."

"I can't focus at all, you saw it."

He can only sigh helplessly then mumbling, "I see why your parents like Sungjin more."

"You said that hundred times already." I stand and we walk together leaving the room.

"Sejong Hospital called me just then, she's alive."

I'm stopping my steps suddenly after hearing that from Wonpil.

"The woman you were trying to save is alive. Well, she's still not open her eyes, but they said her vital organs are saved, she need weeks of recovery to be able to normally function again. Magically, they said."

I look at him with a frowning forehead trying to process this sudden information. Should I happy hearing that? Relieved?

"Why they inform you that?" I start to walk again, slower this time trying to look unbother.

"They called the police station first, because they didn't find any important contact number on her phone like family or anything, and the police who handled her case gave them my number..." Wonpil growl annoyingly to that, "...and thought this information has something to do with you, as you're the last person she saw before she, you know, jump."

"We're not in that kind of relationship, we're not even acquaintance."

"I told them that. They understand, they just don't know who to reach to charge the hospital bill. No one handle the administration stuff for her as well."

We arrive at my office room, Wonpil put papers on my table and excuse himself to ready my car.

Then I'm spacing out again. To her. What's with her, really? She was standing all by herself that night when we first met, with a luggage, and told me to drop her at Sauna. Then days after, she tried to stop her life by jumping down the building in the middle of the night. What happened to her? Was it that bad? Strangely she looked so peaceful the minute she was about to jump.

Why?  
  


"Sajangnim?" Wonpil asked while holding the car door open for me.

I blink and stare at him, a crazy decision consuming me. "Pay her bill."

"Huh?" He tilted his head and look at me with a questioning look.

"That woman you talked about... pay her bill, all of it until she discharge from the hospital. Handle her administration stuff as well." I sigh, "And find informations about her." I get on the car.

"But why? You said she has nothing to do with you, so why you do this?"

I bite my bottom lip and glare at him, annoyed that he always has so many questions about things I decided. Because I have no answer to almost all of his questions, especially this time.

"But... this is ridiculous, isn't it? Do you have responsibility for her? Do you owe her something? Tell me the truth, you slept with her, don't you?"

But then I get silence, thinking. "Owe her...?" I tilted my head, talking to myself. Maybe this is indeed because I owe her. She helped me that night. She helped me get away from that woman, of course I owe it to her.

Then I smile to Wonpil, "Owe is such a good phrase." I take the door handle, "Don't forget your task." I forcefully close the door, Wonpil still trying to rationalize this but it's a case closed for me.

It's because I owe her. Of course I do this because I owe her.

-


	3. Chapter 3

Why I still alive?

That was all I can think about when I first open my eyes. But now that's not the only one.

Why am I here in VIP room? Who paid my hospital bill? I keep asking it to everyone who check my condition but they said they don't know either. I will terror the administration place with that same question if I can get up from my bed, but sadly I can't now.

So I just laying here wondering alone for days until I finally strong enough to move my feet. I got permission to walking around after like two weeks of bed rest, and the first place I visit is administration place. But they said the one who paid my bill doesn't want me to know them.

Them.

Not a person, but more.

Who?

Is it the guy who popped out of nowhere that night before I jump? I can't think of any other people but him, he's the only one knew about the incident. Sungjin? Impossible. He doesn't even know I'm here. I lied to him and not answering his call for days. Only chats. I am ashamed.

But I can't keep avoiding him. God knows I can't hide this from him forever, because he's that stubborn friend that keeps calling you non-stop until he get an answer. And I think this is just the right day to tell him all about this. So he come to the hospital, angrily.

"Seriously, Rianne? At the discharge day? You just telling me about this right now?"

"There will be no different if I tell you earlier." I put pile of clothes inside a bag.

Another strange thing, this clothes just here inside the drawer. I swear it's not my clothes, and it smell new. That people who paid my bill surely did everyhing thoroughly.

He sigh, tired of my stubbornness. "When did this happened though? The accident? Tell me about it in detail."

"It's all in the past. I got compensation, they paid my hospital bill. Case closed."

"Who paid your bill? The one who crashed their car into you?"

I think for awhile behind this fake expression of mine, "No, the other one who also involved in the accident..."

"How it happened exactly? It involved more than one car?"

"Just... don't mind it that much, Sungjin. It's all in the past. I'm fine, that's what important, right?" I zip the bag close, ready to go.

But Sungjin walks to the drawer instead, looking at the bouquet of flowers on it. I see him take the card from between the flowers and I growl as quiet as possible. I forgot about that.

He frowning his forehead, "Is he the one who paid the bill?" He asked me without leaving his stare from the card.

A name card.

A business name card from his company where he works right now. It's written Park Jaehyung on it, the Operational Director.

"I don't know either, seems like it."

He then turn himself to me.

"You know him? That's where you work, right?"

He smirk if not laughing this coincidence.

"Is he... your boss or something?"

"Yeah, but we're kind of more like... friends...?"

"Oh, you're friends."

"I said kind of." He laughing it then put down the name card in its original place.

He walk to me and take the bag before turn around again and walk to the door. "Aren't you want to take the flowers? It's pretty." He asked when he walk pass by it.

I look at it too, but then I only grab the name card and put it inside my pocket mantel.

I know Sungjin keep glancing at me in the middle of his driving. I also know there's something he want to ask, but don't quite sure how to start the topic. I don't know how to properly get through this awkward silence with him so I just staring at the street through the window, watching anything that gets my interest all the way to his apartment.

"Just stay at my place, it's okay, really." He starting, very carefully.

"You know it's not okay."

"Only until your condition's get better."

"I'm fine. I'm completely healed."

"Or until you find a new place."

"It might take long."

"So where will you live, then?"

"My friend's house."

"Who?"

I sigh. "You should stop this."

"You're the one who should stop this."

"You can't do it like that anymore, you know why." I look at him annoyed.

He only sighing, debate with me will never fruit him a winning, so he stop. And silence creep between us again until the car stop in front of a train station. I lied to him that my friend's house is near this station, I just don't want to make him worry.

I get off the car and come inside the sauna instead.

Now what? Should I try to kill myself again tonight? A ring of my phone cut the thought.

"Where are you?" Fei asked.

Fei. The one and only female friend I can count on. But she has difficult situation too, so...

"My mom will come to my house this weekend, so I think you should move your things somewhere for awhile."

"Right, okay. I'll take them tomorrow."

"Where are you by the way? Where did you sleep this past weeks? Why you didn't reply my texts?"

"I'm okay."

"That's not what I'm asking."

"That's what important. Right? We agreed to not bother each other with our difficulties."

"But we agreed to tell each other's difficulties. Are you in difficult situation right now? Rianne?"

"No. Not really. I'll get my things tomorrow, thank you for keeping it all this time, Fei. And don't worry about me really, I'm okay now."

Silence and I feel her thinking.

"Younghyun hold a party tonight, I met him somehow yesterday and he asked about you, he invited you to come. He said you two were good now, so he hoping you come... tonight."

I sigh, tired.

"I know, Rianne. You have no obligation to come. It's your choice, I just delivering his invitation, that's all."

"Thank you, Fei."

"Okay, just..."

"I know. I'll text you when I just about to come to your place tomorrow. Bye."

I sigh long once again before checking unread chats on my phone. Yes, there's invitation from Younghyun. Younghyun. Once my everything before he apologized for cheating on me. Apologized that he found the real love of his life, apologized that it wasn't me.

I read the invitation fast. A party to lose it all, it said. Of course, before he really get married with the love of his life, which is my officemate I trust all this time, he surely have right to having fun tonight, just like any normal guy before the marriage.

A party to lose it all.

I smirk.

Perfect, isn't it? I need something to lose it all, though? 

So I come.

And something hit me right away after I come inside this place. It's a club, very much Younghyun's style with dark lights, crowded people and blaring music, the opposite of my style. I always avoided this kind of place when I still dated him, but look at this now. Seems like he really do every things he can't do when he still with me back then. Was I really prisoning him that much? That's why he left? Was he really sick of me that much?

"Never thought I'd see you in this kind of place." Nayeon said, approaching me.

Of course Nayeon, of all people I know in Younghyun's circle of friends, is the first one to greet me right after I step inside. She's actually a nice girl if she doesn't have too much jealousy in her about my friendship with his boyfriend, Sungjin. She's the type of people that I can be friends with, only if she can be cool about me and Sungjin's friendship.

"Yeah, I even surprise at myself." And Nayeon knew my story with Younghyun, just like Sungjin knew. But I can't decide which side she stand right now because she clearly think of me as a thread to be careful of. Eventhough she hate what Younghyun did to me, I still doubt she will stand on my side all the way.

"You're here?" Sungjin come from no one knows where, give Nayeon a drink. "Are you... okay?" He put one of his eyebrow up as an effort to give me a sign of what he really meant in his question.

"I'll be." I take a glass from his hand and leave him with his endless worrying questions he want to ask me. I don't wanna have a drama with Nayeon tonight. I need to lose it all before I try another attempt to end it all.

I have decided. I'll do everything tonight. Every things I never do in my life, things that people thought I will never do. No consequences. I have nothing left anyway, so it surely easy to lose it all.

"Stop worrying her, she's a grown up. It's a right decision to come here, she looks brave. Girl shouldn't just silent and being sad alone after that kind of shit man did to her."

"I mean... she just discharged from hospital this morning."

"Oh my, what happened?"

I heard Nayeon's voice rise an octave as she surprised to hear that from Sungjin. I sense a drama start to happen so I fasten my step away from them, gulping the drink I stole from Sungjin in one shot. It burns my throat but surprisingly I like the sensation so I take another one on my way to the dance floor.

-

  
**-Jae's PoV-**

Wonpil take a map from me after I once again success to get the important contract deal we've been trying to win this past weeks.

He's smiling wide, "This deal surely increase your point to be a big big boss."

"It's rather easy though. Now let me have fun." I scan the room, "Why so crowded tonight?"

"Someone held a party."

"No wonder." I start to walk, "You can have fun too, or go home, or whatever. I'll drive myself home. See you tomorrow, don't disturb me again tonight."

"Have fun, then. But don't bring another girl drama, okay? You'll lose your point right away, Mr. Cassanova." Then he leave.

"But drama loves me what should I supposed to do about it?" I whisper to myself then scan the dance floor from where I standing now on the second floor.

Then I caught her.

My eyes automatically set on her, a very familiar figure of a woman dancing carelessly on the dance floor, with men surrounding her, trying to be close and touch her. She seems drunk already, dancing very sexily like it's the last time she given time to dance. She doesn't bother all the men around her too, she's smiling and it's the most carefree smile I've ever see from a girl.

She was jump down from the top of building like months ago though.

Without I realize my feet brought me closing in. I take a glass of drink on my way and gulp it down almost all of it then put the glass down in the nearer table. I come to her, push some men to pave the way. She turn her body to my direction and somehow look at me. Perfect timing.

She smiles. She recognise me. My heart flinch. Am I nervous?

The music calming down, she slowing down her moves just like the others and wait for me to really stand in front of her.

"Here you are! The one who messed up everything!" She shouts excitingly.

I'm gulping down, "You look fine for someone who just discharged from a hospital after long treatment."

"Of course it's you who took care of my hospital bill." She blinks, completely stop her movement now. She look at me with full of amazement.

"I saved you."

She laugh, "Oh my savior." She look away for a second before looking back at me, "Okay..."

She's drunk. Completely.

"...since you're here, I should be thank you for what you did, eventhough it wasn't what I want you to do, but I should be polite and thank you and return the favor. So as a gratitude, I'll let you dance with me." She put both of her hands on my shoulder and closing herself to me, smiling that smile again.

"Shouldn't you take medicine instead of alcohol?"

She pouting, "But this is the party to lose it all. I will lose it all tonight. I'll do everything he think I will never do. I'll be the exact opposite of my usual self tonight. Do all those reckless things. Isn't it funny? I try to lose it all when I actually have nothing to lose?" She laugh and start to swing her body as the music starts to play again.

She's actually pretty. And smells good.

"I drunk when I shouldn't, I dance crazily for like hours and let those men dance with me, touching me, I didn't listen to my friend's nagging telling me to go home, I drunk more, so what should I do next? What else the exciting thing to do next?" She look at me.

I blink and put my hands on her waist, following her light moves. The music is light right now, creating some intimate moment.

"How far you planning to go?"

"All the way. What's the part of 'lose it all' that you don't understand?" She tightening her embrace on my neck, "Should I do one night stand? Hm, Park Jaehyung?"

She call my name.

"Do you want to be my one night stand?" We're staring at each other.

This supposed to be nothing, but I feel something. I don't know what but I feel it. When I look into her eyes I feel like I should grant everything she wish, I feel like I want to give her everything, just so she can live in peace. Just so she want to live again.

That night when she jump must be hit me so much.

"You might regret it." I said then, also tighten my hold on her waist.

She shaking her head, "How can I regret it if I end it all after that?"

"End it all?"

"You know what I mean." She smiles.

She will jump again.

"That's a part of 'lose it all'. That's the finish line. Why so surprised?"

Am I look surprised?

"I saved you."

"And that was a very big mistake."

Why though? Why you want to end it all?

"I'm gonna find someone else to be my one night stand if you're not interested." She pull herself out of me suddenly and turn around.

But I caught her hand before she really walk away from me. She look at her wrist on me while I pulling her to me again.

"What if I can change your mind?" I touch her strand hair on her forehead, closing my face to her.

"About what?"

"Everything."

Now I put both of my hands on her shoulders, my fingers touching her neck, caress it. She look at me in confuse while I keep bring my face close to her.

We kiss.

Hot as ever. Like the last time, as we're both hungry for it.

She's drunk, I understand that's why she kiss me hot like this. It's me that I don't understand. I'm sober, completely. But why do I kiss her like this? Like... there's no tomorrow. Like this is my last time. Like her lips are the tastiest thing I ever taste in my life. Maybe it is indeed.

But really?

And when she hug my waist and kiss me deeper, it feels like firework ignite the room. I feel goosebump and I never feel like this just from a kiss. Why?

"Let's get out of here." I whisper on her lips then take her hand, pull her close to me while we walk our way through the sea of human to get out of this place.

She put her head on the passanger seat and looking at me all the time, we're heading to my favorite hotel in town. Her smile never leave her face too, smiling at me.

"Okay, so what's the deal?" I asked after park my car in hotel basement.

She frowning her forehead. She never done this before. She's cute. "Just... having fun?"

There's something about her eyes, or lips, or face... or her in general, that makes me curious, that pull me to her, to know more about her. The fact that I kissed her two times and it left strong impression is making it worse. I'm curious of her taste. I'm curious if tonight will leave as strong impression as the kiss. Guess I really need to find out.

She lean her head on my shoulder when we're waiting the lift brought us up to our room. My right hand still on her waist, now kind of hug her.

"They already prepared the room for you even before you speak anything. That's awesome." She mumbling.

"I always come here on Thursday."

"Ah, that's explaining."

"Don't sleep yet."

"Wanna bet? The one who sleep first should grant a wish or something?" She turn her head to me, smiling again.

Why do I still surprise?

"Deal." Then I kiss her without warning this time, she's taken aback but smiling before replying the kiss.

It become hot so fast, I hug her tight, her back on elevator wall her fingers wander at my hair when her tounge meet mine. Her breathing pace fasten. Mine too. I grip her waist so tight I'm afraid I'll hurt her but damn god she's hot. She's nothing like I had before, her taste is heavenly. Is it because she arrived at heaven once and back? It's mind blowing. Dizzying.

She's moaning right before the elevator stop and I think I'm going crazy already. I grip her wrist and walking her fast to our room, push her to a wall again inside, kissing her senseless once again. But this time, my fingers become busy touching her. I touch her skin under her clothes, I feel her warmth running through me and she's moan again the moment our skin connected. Electrifying.

Our clothes soon scattered on the floor, her leg soon up on my waist, my fingers wander around her back, my lips kissing every skin on her neck, she's feeling my abs, moaning every once in a while. Her smell invading my nose and it's like a toxic.

Soon we move to bed, sitting while kissing each other lips with more hunger, more desire.

She move until she sit on her knees, looking down her face to kiss me while cupping my face with both of her hands. Her hair covering my face and it smell as good as her skin. My fingers try to take off her bra, slowly. Our tounges collide again, dance freely in their own rhythm.

She sit down herself then, giving a friction between our thighs and it's arousing as hell.

"Me on top." She said looking at me so deep. And blink once, then breath deep.

"Damn, Rianne. Do whatever you like."

-


	4. Chapter 4

I open my eyes and darkness welcome me, growl and cursing inside my head. I shouldn't be sleeping. I look at the watch that showing 2AM then turn my head to look at him, at the Operational Director of a big company who saved me from suicide attempt and paid all of my hospital bill. He's in a deep sleep, that's what I assured of from looking at his peaceful beautiful face.

Damn, why I think about his face. I should get going right now. Really go. Disappear. For good.

This is the end of everything. I want to end it all for good. I have nothing left, nothing to regret, it's time to go for good. I surrender. Life is too hard for me to keep on living, I'm a trash anyway, no one feel the lost even if I disappear. Except Sungjin, maybe. But he has Nayeon, he will get through it.

So I try to get up slowly to not wake him up. I must be really crazy. I have nothing to lose that's why I brave enough to do this with him. I'm gonna disappear so I'm not worry about the consequences, not even feel embarassed about sleeping with him, have a wonderful sex with him. That was what I thought before I asked him to be my one night stand. Oh my god what am I thinking. I should stop thinking about how amazing our sex is.

I successfully arrived at the door without a single sound, open it very slowly, but then it forcefully closed again with a thud sound. Something, a hand, pushed it back to close, then I feel a presence behind me. Close, breathing softly around me.

"Don't."

He awake. Why I didn't feel him approaching me though? He just suddenly here behind me, standing close to me, holding the door I try to open.

I sigh.

"Stay."

But I don't know what to say.

"Don't jump again, Rianne."

I turn myself to look at him, "I just need to..." but the lying sentences I've been saying this whole time to other people doesn't come out when I look into his eyes.

His eyes...

What is it? Why is he pleading me like that? I'm nobody. But why is he look at me with such sincere look and plead me to not jump again? Is this how it feels for being cared by someone?

"I'm tired." Yes, I'm so tired. I have no energy left to keep on living. I have no confidence to face tomorrow. What should I do tomorrow? Where do I live? Should I just searching for a job first or a rent house first?

"Sure you are."

"But you don't know..."

"I know."

"No, you don't understand. I'm really, really tired, like... I want this to end, I have nothing left."

"I'll help you."

He said it again. He said that too that night. He said he'll help me too that night.

"No, you don't know what I mean." I push him until he stumble one step backward.

"I know, Rianne. I know it all. I know you have nowhere to go, I know you homeless, jobless, I know you have nothing left anymore. I know, that's why I helped you. I paid your hospital bill. I saved you."

Damn it, why? Why you've got to save me?

"I didn't know it that night when you jump, it was just... purely a spontaneous act. I saw you from my window and I can't just... watch. I called 911, I was in panic so I ran upstairs, to stop you. I failed, and that was... the worst feeling... I can't sleep after that night. But then the hospital called me, they said you were magically alive but have no one to take care of everything, so again... spontaneously, I took care of everything. That's when I know your conditions, everything."

My tears fall.

I never tell anyone about it. I swear. My officemates just know about my contract being terminated because of a fraud case I didn't even do. I was trapped, don't know by who. But I got to pay for the lost money with all my saving, and forcely got terminated. My neighboor, and Sungjin, just know about me losing a place to live. Landlord Ahjussi where were I live deceived everyone in that building and run away with our money. It was my 6 months rent money, but that bastard ahjussi just stole it. We file a report to the police but heard nothing since the last time they asking us about that case, so I'm hopeless. I have nowhere to go.

And all of it happened almost at the same time when Younghyun suddenly want to break up with me. More shockingly, he said he fall in love with my friend, my officemate, and confess that he was cheating on me from a long time already. And he will get married soon with her.

I don't know where and when is everything start to go wrong like that, I feel like I'm being punished. I might did something really bad, and god is punishing me because of that. Feels like everything is just a joke, but everytime I woke up in the morning at the sauna, I know this is not a joke. Life is never be a joke. It's cruel and I can't handle it anymore.

I surrender.

That night, I officially surrendered. My life never been easy since I was born, but this is just too much. I always have no one to depend on, except Sungjin, but now I also have nothing to hold on to. How can I live without anything? And I admit that I am too tired to try. Maybe I am that weak of a person, but I really have no energy to try anymore. I don't even know where to start, really. I just want to cry.

For once, finally. I cry.

I cry hard. I never know how it felt to crying in a mother's arms, but I really want to feel that right now. Crying in my parents arms. I never had that thing like parents. I'm all alone from the start. I really have no one to depend on and I just hate that fact so bad. So I cry more for how unfortunate I am. I should've just end it all a long time ago then maybe it won't feel this bad. I really feel like a trash, a failure.

So why this man in front of me saved me? If he knew, then why? It's such a waste of energy, money, and time. It's a waste of everything.

But why he hug me in his arms and let me cry a river now? He did something bad to me on the street, I know, but that case has been cleared, so why he do this?

I feel more embarassed right now thinking what we were just did. I thought I shouldn't need to worry about that, but he's here, stopping me to go. Such a ridiculous act. I should've been disappear right now, not crying hard on his arms in the middle of the night like this.

God my head hurts. I still can't open my eyes but I can feel it so clear that my head hurts so much.

Damn I can't stand it anymore I need to do something about my head, so I open my eyes, welcomed by two beautiful eyes that looking at me. Then a soft smile.

"Hey, good morning." He said innocently.

But I jump without warning and get out of bed, feel my head spinning like hell but I try to hold it and keep walking, stumble to toilet. I vomit. All the remaining alcohol on my body, I vomit all of it. My head hurts so much and tears down from every edge of my eyes.

I screw up.

There's a knock on the door, "Need help?"

I'm frowning, hell no. "No? Of course not."

"Press the back of your head, the lower part, then let it all out."

"Go away."

I heard him laugh. What the hell?

But I try what he said and it kind of work out. I vomit again and again, panting hard. I feel better. So I clean up the mess, clean up my face and brush my teeth. I wash my face and seeing it on the mirror for a full minute, thinking.

I thinking too much lately, maybe that's what makes me tired. So I just sighing, long. I screwed already anyway. So let's just shamelessly face him like nothing happened last night.

"Eat this, you'll get better."

I walk to him and sit on the chair in front of him, see a bowl of soup on the table. How thoughtful. He prepared a hangover soup for me, a stranger who asked him to be her one night stand in one strange night. He seems relax with all this situation though, is he do this often? Having sex with random girl he met on the club?

"Careful, it might still hot." He said softly.

I gulp down before get a taste of it. It taste so fresh like more fresh than a toothpaste I just taste just then. Suddenly my mood is up and I feel a strange spirit to finish all my activities today with good attitude. Until I realized I have nothing to do exactly. Should I start with searching for a job? Oh, I have to go get my stuff at Fei's house too. And put it where? At sauna?

"Feeling better?"

I look at him in the middle of my eating, "You don't eat?"

"Later."

What is this normal conversation like we're close? Having sex together is not supposed to be make us close. But honestly, we didn't just having sex, he prevent me to jump again. Maybe that's what make me feel close to him already? And he hug me while I cried. It was something intimate, emotionally intimate. No one ever do it to me. It felt good and relaxing.

Why he did that though?

"Thank you." I said without looking at him, I count something inside my bowl instead. I feel the coldness of alumunium spoon in my fingers, afraid of where this conversation is going to go. I'm embarassed and ashamed, but somehow I don't care anymore. The fact that he said he knew all about me making it easier. I don't have to explain anything.

"Still not the time to say that yet. I have a place for you."

What did I just heard?

"You can stay as long as you want, until you find a new place, or new job..."

"I can't pay. Yet."

"You don't have to."

I'm frowning my forehead.

"I'm not prevent you to jump just to let you die somewhere on the street. I'll help."

"What's the deal?"

He pouting, thinking. He crossing his arms on his chest. "I can't think of anything right now."

"This is not what one night stand supposed to mean..."

He laugh a little then smile at me, "Of course not."

"Am I that pathetic?"

"Yes."

Damn.

"And you better not refuse this kind of help because it looks like no one will gonna help you if you never reaching for help just because you care too much about that high pride of yours. You should ask for help, Rianne. It's okay if you can't do it alone." He radiates warm from his eyes to me.

I'm allowed to ask for help?

But I can't say anything I just looking at him.

"Now finish your breakfast. I'll help you moving your stuff."

But why?

-

"It's not that many as I thought would be." He said after put the last box inside his car. His car is full of boxes now, my stuff that I temporarily store at Fei's house.

"I'm poor, what you expect?"

He grin, "We're set, then?"

"Can I have a minute with her first?" Fei answered Jae's question instead.

"Sure." He move up his shoulders. "I'll wait you in the car." He stare at me.

Okay honestly, this is weird. What he do to me is weird. He treated me like I am some kind of sick woman that can be just disappear by kill herself anytime if he not looking. Well, it's not fully wrong, but... He overreacting, really. And I'm not used to that kind of attention and careness. The fact that he helped me with my stuff alone is already a shocking news to me, I still can't believe it.

"Are you okay?"

I spread both of my arms, presenting myself to her, showing her my best condition in like almost three months. I've got enough sleep and rest well after a good sex last night, eventhough my head felt like exploding when I woke up, my body feels unexpectedly good. My mood too, surprisingly. Can't deny that the comfort he gave me last night play a big part.

"Will you be okay?"

"I don't know."

She scanning me, thinking. "Okay I don't know what is up with you two, you're being weird since you brought your stuff here, I don't even know why you homeless, you disappeared for like three months then popped up suddenly today with a guy. A strange guy, who is he? He looks familiar but I can't recall who is he."

"He introduced himself to you."

"I mean, what he do? Is he someone we know from the past or what? And why he helped you instead of Sungjin? Where's Sungjin?"

"I'll tell you all of it later, Fei. He's waiting. For now I can only assure you I'm fine. Better than the last three months. I've been in difficult situation and he helped me, that's what you need to know. He's not a bad person."

I hope, I added in my head.

"I'll find a special time for you to explain everything, really. With Sungjin too."

"He might be busy with Nayeon."

"I'll drag Nayeon with us if it necessary."

I smile, "Yeah, hope she like it, hang out with us."

Fei smile too finally, "At least I can still see your smile, Rianne. I'm worried and sorry that I can't help you that much..."

"No, stop it! You know this is why I don't want to talk about it to you."

"Alright you bad girl, come here let me hug you first."

We're hugging. She transfered her energy just like she always do, and I feel a lot better somehow.

"Be careful, always." That's the last words she said to me.

And literally the only words I'm thinking about when I step inside a big fancy apartment unit. I keep repeating that words because I smell something dangerous, and the fact that I want to know what it is makes it even more dangerous. My normal self probably will run away the moment I sense this tingling feeling I felt on the back of my head, but I don't know. Right now I want to know what is it I'll be facing. Will it really be dangerous?

_Be careful, always._

That words playing again as I gulp down when the door close behind me. But I want to know, where is this going and how far it will go.

-  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**-Jae's PoV-**

Her expressions are cute.

First she seems afraid and frighten before step inside my house, but then she blink her eyes, her face turn to determined. That was the moment she decided, apparantly. And the expressions keep changing while I give her a tour to this house, showing her every corner of this place. Mostly surprised, amazed, and couldn't believe what she's seeing, which is my fancy house. The most private space of mine, not much people know this place, I got very limited list of people who I allowed to make a visit here and I like it to stay that way. I hope she'll cooperate.

"The tour end here." I said while she still staring at her room, amazed by the size of it.

She gulp down again I saw it many times already.

"The first room you saw on the hallway is mine, right beside this room. The wall is kind of connected, so don't be too loud, I don't like it."

She turn herself suddenly, taken aback by my sentence. "You live here too?"

I frowning my forehead, "Of course, this is my house."

"But..."

"You're expecting me give you this place to yourself?"

"I thought... You didn't say that..." She look at me confused. "Does it mean we will living together...?"

"I go out of town often, I always come home late and work over the weekend often too. I rarely at home, this place is yours technically, I don't think we'll see each other often even if we live under the same roof."

She walk pass by me, "I cancel this."

But I caught her elbow stopping her way out of this room, "And where will you go?"

"Somewhere safer..."

"Sauna?"

We're staring.

"Come on, this is the safest place you can find. At least for now. I don't ask you to pay, or work for me in return, or anything. I just want to give you some... shelter?... until you find a proper place, and job, making money. Isn't this the best offer?"

"That's a warning for me."

I frown my forehead.

"There's impossible someone giving that for free, there must be something..." She looking at me suspicious but all I can think is how pretty those eyes of her that scanning me.

Damn it.

"So what's your plan with me? What are you going to do?" Suddenly she eyeing my hand that still hold her elbow, and that makes me shrug it away.

"Nothing. Rianne, I swear, I just want to help you."

"But why?"

She asked that finally. Bet that question keep circling on her mind all day, but finally she asked it. I keep praying silently hoping she never ask that because I've been wondering too all day. I keep thinking the best and most rationalize answer to that, but I still can't find it even now. Is this another spontaneous act?

"That... I'm not quite sure too." I decided to be honest in the end. I don't know why too, why I'm doing this far? I never like inviting guests to my house, this is really a private and very personal space for me, but the decision to bring her here came to my mind just like that this morning when I watching her sleep. The urge feeling to give her those comfort for the rest of her live is consuming me. Just like that.

I have no responsibility of her though. I shouldn't be worry about what will happen to her after that one night stand thing, but something just made me do this and I don't know what. Maybe I pity her so much, maybe it's because that bad thing I did to her on the street back then, maybe because I saved her, or maybe because I'm hoping another amazing and wonderful sex with her. I don't know. This is confusing and embarassing actually.

"Let's sit first." I take her hand and drag her to a sofa, surprised that she obeyed. "Rianne..."

"You keep Rianne me, you know? We're not that close."

I smile a little remembering how many times we scream each other names last night on bed, "You said you have nothing to lose but why you thinking too much again? I know everything already, what bad thing you think I can do to you? I have everything, look around you. You know who I am, you can confirm it to your friends, Sungjin at least. I don't ask anything and I promise, I won't do anything unless you let me. I'm not forcing you but I need to know you're safe, if I let you go right now, I have a feeling that you will jump from that building again. It's hard to ask for help I know, so I offering it to you right now without you have to ask me, can you just take it without much thinking?"

She's staring at me long.

"You can live a life once again. It's okay to start all over again, I'll help you. I told you many times I'll help you. I don't know why I do this but I just don't want to hear a news about your death in a couple days, so please. We can make some contract if you want, I'll call my lawyer."

She lift up her lips after thinking about it for awhile, "No need to go that far. I have nothing anyway, I was planning to end everything anyway. I'm not wish my life would become any better, so what's the difference between die by jump or other cause, right? If you're gonna do bad thing to me, you can just do it anytime I don't care anymore. But you want me to live? I don't know why you want that honestly, I'm no one to you. It's just strange."

"It's strange for me too, but let's find out together? Nothing to lose, though."

"To make it clear, am I gonna be your... like... someone to satisfying your needs of... you know... sex..."

"No, of course not." I laugh, "Promise I won't do it unless you let me, not even touch a strand of your hair."

She lift up her pinky and I take it, linking it on mine. "And don't go inside my room without my permission."

I nodded at that. "Deal."

"You're weird." She said.

"I'm wondering about that too." I smile at her, "Let's order something to eat first before unpacking your stuff."

"I'll do it myself."

"Really?"

"I'm a grown up."

"But you were trying to jump."

"Doesn't have correlation."

"Your mental is unstable."

She staring at me, "And you think you can do something about that too?"

"Not me alone. You need professional, Rianne. I'll help you find the best one for you. And don't ask me why I do that again." I prevent her obvious questions.

She eyeing me.

Then she looks like she just about to cry again and I feel... heartbreaking. Seriously, what's wrong with me though?

"Think about it under a warm shower." I said quietly before leaving her alone. I don't want her to feel like I'm pushing her. I just want to help. But it's all up to her.

-

I close my eyes, feeling warm water washing me from the top of my head to my toes, really feeling every drop of it. It's relaxing. You know what else that relaxing? This place. This place alone is relaxing. I still can't believe this is a house of a single man, it looks more like a five star room hotel. It's even more luxurious than a hotel we slept last night. I know he's a heir, but I never thought it come to this extent.

And isn't heir supposed to live in their castle-like house with their families and countless servants? What is he doing here alone? Then offering me that crazy idea ever? Is he really just want to help me? Without any bad intentions at all? But why? There's still this big why hanging in my mind though, and I feel it will never be explained ever because he looks like he confused too about what he's doing.

What is this exactly?

Maybe he just bored and need a little something to change up his routine?

With that conclusion I open my eyes, sighing deep then turn off the shower. I step out of bathroom, drying myself and hair fast, getting dress, looking at myself in the mirror to make myself sure one more time. I take a deep breath once again and grab my notebook and pen, then walking out of my room to his.

With the last determination rosing up from within me, I knock on his door. Twice. He open the door and look at me with one of his eyebrow lift up. There is no turning back.

"I've come to decision."

He nodded, "Let's talk comfortably while sitting." He step forward makes me automatically step behind in effort to not making any contact with him.

He walk very casually to the living room, with his very casual sweatshirt that still radiating handsomeness. He's effortlessly handsome. And smells nice after shower.

Oh, boy.

I bite my bottom lips and close my eyes for a second, following him behind.

We sit side by side on a sofa, I intentionally leave a space between us for some reason. I don't know why, but better to be careful until I truly trust this person.

"So your decision is...?"

"I'll take it. Your offer."

He smile, "A very nice decision. That shows your effort to continue living. Good."

"So let's make it clear again?"

He nodded, smile still paste on his face.

"I can live here until I find a new place... for free?"

"You can live here for as long as you wish, until your conditions stable again. For free."

"And what things I should avoid while I'm living here?" I moving a pen on my hands nervously but also ready to write it down.

But he staring at me in confused, his forehead frowning while thinking. "Nothing." He smile, "You can do anything you want. Like I said earlier, I'll be rarely home, this place is practically yours, you can do everything you like here. Also, there'll be an ahjumma that comes every Wednesday and Friday to clean this house..."

No wonder this place is so clean despite the fact that he live here alone and rarely at home.

"...so that you don't have to bother about housechores, she knows the password of this place, so don't be surprised if she suddenly appear."

"Wait, about 'I can do everything I want', is that mean I can use your kitchen too?"

"Of course," he smiling like it could light up something. Light up my dark and miserable world. "You cook?"

"A little." Am I blushing?

"It's been a long time since someone use the kitchen, I don't know if the stove and everything still works, but... I'm pretty sure it's all good." He said in confusion. "Just tell me if you need anything. You can use washing machine too, and treadmill, TV, everything. Feel at home."

"My home is never like this."

"Then chill, get used to it." He smile again.

"Can I bring guesses too?"

"Uhm... about that, Rianne. I need your cooperation. I don't like exposing my private place to people, there's actually very limited people who know my address, so I hope it will stay that way."

I write it on my notebook, "No guesses then. What else?" I look up from my notebook to find him watching me in expression that I can't interpret it. "Am I that pathetic?"

He blink, "Yes."

I don't want to look away. Dear god I don't want to look away and feel ashamed of myself again.

"I know everything you've gone through, Rianne. Trust me, I know. And it's not your fault, you just unlucky. So don't be ashamed when you're with me. Since I know everything already, you don't need to hide yourself."

"You keep making me want to cry, you know?"

"Cry. It's okay to cry too. Cry when you're with me, I'm not judging you. I know you're not stupid, it's just some people are horrible and you just unlucky for meeting them."

"And I hate that."

"I'm sorry."

Why? Why though, why? Why you feel sorry? This is getting more and more confusing, I need to sleep so badly.

"Use your time here to heal yourself completely. Just do everything that makes you happy here, you don't have to worry about anything. Just cherish yourself and know if you're gone, there will be someone who feel sad. Me."

-

  
The Ahjumma he talked about is surprisingly a warmhearted person. I just met her this morning but now I can't stop talking with her. She talked about everything, she seems like a person who knows everything. She taught me how to use the stove, it's the latest edition stove by the way with the touch screen and stuff. She told me about him, mostly about his routine and from her I know that just as much as he rarely home, he rarely eat too. Because of his works.

"I put some side dish once in the refrigerator but it never touched by him. Not sure if that because he can't use microwave or simply because he don't want to eat it and prefer order an expensive steak or whatever. But one thing for sure, he really rarely eat." Said Ahjumma while cleaning up the floor in his room while I play random notes from his piano.

Yes, he has piano in his room. And some guitars too. My goodness.

"He always eat in hurry too, apparantly. Her mom talked about that one day."

"It's not good for his health."

"That's what I'm talking about."

Now I start to play a song. It's been a long time since the last time I played piano. It feels good somehow. "How long have you been here, Ahjumma?"

"Not long. But my relative works for his family since a long time ago, in the main house, and his family somehow trust us so much. That relative of mine took care of Jae since that kid born."

"Why he live here alone, though? He is a heir." I stop playing the piano and focus on her, thinking.

"Privacy?" She look at me quick then continue moping the floor, "Besides, I got a feeling his relation with his parents aren't that good anymore. But it just my assumption, I'm not live in the main house, I just listen to their phone conversation a couple times..."

"Heirs thing."

"Yeah. Typical heirs thing."

I play the piano again and let myself immerse in it until Ahjumma done moping this room. She go outside to doing the laundry, I hear the sound of washing machine working not long after. It makes me stop playing and looking at the space, blank. I don't know why. What am I doing here? How in the earth I ended up here? Now what? What should I do?

Find a job, Rianne.

Right, that's the first thing I should do. Find a job, get money, find a place, and get out of here. Fast.

I sigh and get up, walking to Ahjumma and lean on some counter near the washing machine, staring at the spinning clothes inside it. I surely blank too much these days. I touch my face and sigh again.

"But I'm surprised you're here." She said while folding some clothes, "I mean... He really doesn't like visitor, even his parents. The one and only person I've seen visit is his secretary. And that's only like once in a lifetime." She smile to me, "Surprising I meet you here."

"I'm not..." I stuttering.

"Despite the rumors I heard about him, I relieved that he still has someone to spend the rest of his life with."

"Someone to spend the life...?!" I scoffed, "I'm not that someone, Ahjumma. We're not in that kind of relationship... I just..."

"You're not? I heard about him being a cassanova here and there, but he's still in a must-have-list guy."

I agape my mouth and don't know what to say. Did he not explaining anything to her about my situation? Am I the one who should explain it myself? Gosh, how embarassing.

"I thought that's why you here."

"No, I'm just... um... temporarily live here... because... you know, bad things happened, so... we're just like a roomates. Housemates?"

She smiles an understanding smile, "Right, of course. I guess you can call it like that. This generation surely has many forms to name it, of course." She giggles.

"Ahjumma~" I smile and whining that make us laughing in the end.

-


	6. Chapter 6

**-Jae's PoV-**

The smell of her coffee wakes me up again. I look at the watch and it still 30 minutes before my alarm on. I keep waking up like this, before my alarm on, since she live here with me. And I always smell her coffee when my consciousness comes back from a deep sleep. Not that it's bad, though. It's just new. And following to that new changes of my morning routines, now I get some time to kind of slowing down myself before Wonpil arrived to pick me up. By slowing down I mean having a cup of her coffee. With her.

She wasn't talk that much in her first 3 days living here, she offered me a cup of coffee, I said yes, we checked each other and talked about weather, then ended up I watched her blank-stared the space in between of sipping her coffee. And I understand she might be still trying to adapt to this new environment.

But today is different. She cook.

"I skip dinner last night so I kind of hungry right now. You want some?"

"I don't really do breakfast."

She stop cracking the eggs to look at me, "At all? I mean, not even croissant or anything?"

I shook my head.

She frowning her forehead, "You're not eating in the morning and you'll skip lunch too."

"I'm not skipping lunch."

"You have important meeting at lunch hour today, I saw your schedule board... in your room..." She close and open her eyes fast in nervousness, "...unintentionally."

I smirk to the fact that she was in my room when I'm not around.

"You're not forbid me to go inside your room, so..."

I nodded my head, waiting for her further explanation.

"...besides, I was there with Ahjumma while she cleaned it up, I swear. I just want to try your piano, and you said I can do everything I want, so..."

"You play piano." I lift up my eyebrows to her.

She turn herself, back to her cook, "A little. It's been awhile, though."

I hear the sound of frying and soon I smell a delicious omelette invasing my nose. Then my stomach is grumbling and my tounge kind of craving to taste it. Unusual.

She focus on her cook and not talking anymore while I just looking at her every moves, sipping my coffee one at a time, let her finish her omelette. She put one in front of me so casually, makes me looking at her, now already sit in front of me.

"Ahjumma worried about your health, of you skipping lunch and rarely eat behaviour." She said.

"I rarely have time to eat."

"Well, you have now." She staring at me and smile, "Let's eat."

It's delicious, matter of factly. The omelette is delicious. Is that why I'm smiling and nodding my head in approval right now? And the fact that I keep munching it?

"You can play it anytime, piano. You must be bored for not doing anything."

She smile again in the middle of chewing, "You gave in just because of the omelette."

"It's delicious." I'm smiling too.

"So the problem here is not you don't want to eat, but because there's no time and nothing to eat when you should be eat."

I nodding my head while thinking, "Probably."

She nodded her head too before back to her food, looking determined. But I don't know what that determination for exactly.

"And about the profesional I talked about..." I pull out a name card, put it on the table and hand it to her, "Only if you're ready."

She looking at it for awhile then smile and nodding her head, "Of course." She take it.

I never feel so light like this. I walking with so much at ease although I have an important meeting today. I feel good and fully recharged, like my energy bar is full. It's just like any other morning though, except the coffee and omelette for breakfast. Or maybe is that why? Is breakfast really do something like that to me? I feel so confident and like I can handle everything that will happen today with ease. I'm so relax, for the first time in a while. It feels so good.

"There's sandwich in the seat beside you, you'll skip lunch today, maybe it's best to eat now while you can, even if you don't want to. We'll arrive in an hour." Wonpil said with focus still on the road in front of him.

"I have breakfast already." I said nonchalantly while still looking at my tablet, to the spreadsheet full of data I will presenting to the important investor today.

There's a silence before I realized what is happening because of my answer just then. I lift my head, looking Wonpil watching me from the rearview mirror.

"And how come that happen?" He's asking rather curious.

"Just... like that."

He smirking, "Like what? Two days ago you said you had a coffee when I offered you once in the morning, and now you said you had breakfast, how come? You live alone."

"If I say I learn to cook, you wouldn't believe me, right?"

He laugh, "Just tell me, Jae. You'll never learn to cook, you rarely have time to rest. What is it? What's your secret?"

I sigh, closing the spreadsheet, "I'm not living alone anymore, well... for awhile."

He silence for a second to process the information, "Okay, it's not the big secret, isn't it? You live with someone now, who? Ahjumma? Your relatives? Your friends?"

"With Rianne."

He got silence again, longer. "Okay, and who is Rianne? You assume that I know who this Rianne is right now?" Wonpil cut his own sentence with "holy shit!" and a gasping tone. He looking at me with unbelievable look from rearview mirror, "That girl? Who jumped from the top of the building?" He turn his head to the back once and quick, trying to directly looking at me.

"The girl I saved, yes."

"Wow! Why?! I mean, WHY? You never like visitors, but you... WHAT?!"

I just looking at the street, still don't know how to answer that question, really.

"You really owe her something, don't you? You clearly slept with her and she demand something from you, like... responsibility, or... whatever. It must be your fault, you must do something bad that she demand something from you."

"There's a part that true from your assumptions, but mostly wrong. I'm the one who asked her to live with me."

"But why? Just because she homeless? And jobless? And alone? And wanted to end her live...?" Wonpil's voice become softer little by little.

"Are that reasons not enough for me to offering help to her?"

"What? You doing charity now? Come on, there must be a bigger and more important reason why you do that. Letting a stranger live with you? I can't never imagine, oh my god. There must be something, I'm sure. Face it, I never believed you either that night when I picked you up from police station. You saved her just like that? No, there must be something from the beginning. Before that night, I'm sure. There is no way Park Jaehyung would do that thing for a stranger. You, Park Jaehyung. No way."

I look at him upset hearing it. Am I that bad? Okay I slept with different girl every weeks, but that happened under consent and agreement. I always let the girl decided themselves, for god's sake. Same with what happened with Rianne too. I'm not a jerk, I'm just bad.

"Okay, whatever. But please, don't drag me to whatever mess you creating, okay? I don't want to wake up again in the middle of the night to clear up anything regarding you and her, okay?"

"Nothing will happen again, I promise you. She's getting better."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"She started to keep the conversation going between us, so I assume she's getting better, although I need Jamie to examine her first. But for that to happen, she should come to Jamie, and I'm working on it."

"My goodness, you are so busy. What happened to you? What happened to don't-know-don't-care Jae?"

"She needs help."

Wonpil sigh, "Just stay out of trouble, okay?"

"I just want to help, Pil. Chill."

He just sigh again deeper.  
  


"Prospect?"

I grab tissue and wipe my hands while looking at Sungjin who standing beside me by the mirror.

"Asked someone who put me in this shitty situation."

"I just doing my job."

"By creating an internal chaos about the possibility of collapsing in one of our unit business?"

"I just provide an honest analysis based on the actual data and informations I got."

"You were not just analyzed it, you were predicting. And now I'm the one who should be fully prepared to face that prediction of yours."

"Well, better prepare than be regret."

"That prediction is never gonna happen. Like I said, that prediction is just creating chaos and confusion for all the people working in that business."

"Jae, I'm not working that paper just for fun, or recognition, or creating a chaos like you said. That paper created by valid data, and I'm helping you to aware of that fact."

I sigh, tired.

"So, that meeting a prospect or not?"

"Apparently not."

"Because I have a bunch of people you can working on next."

"Oh, lord." I sigh deeper after he tap my back twice, hard.

"You can go home if you want, another work can wait for tomorrow. You've worked hard today." Wonpil said right after we came inside my office.

"Sungjin sent me another list of investors we should working on." I sit, "And of course, it already here." I grab and hand it to Wonpil.

I let him scanning it, check my phone and see a message from Jamie.

_Jamie: your girl came. I won't go hard on her in the first appointment, just so you know_

"Okay, all of the names are already match our criteria, no surprise though, it's from Sungjin, that guy never give us raw material. So where do you want to start?"

"Tomorrow, I have to go now." I stand up and walking right away to the door, leaving him. "I'll drive."

Wonpil sigh, "Of course, Sajangnim."  
  


I sigh looking at those building. The first time I came here I was nervous to death, thinking about how pathetic and un-normal I am. I was afraid too, about what if the first appointment will lead to a bad result, proving I really am not normal. I guess that's what it felt like for most of people in their first time visiting a therapist. The constant thinking of how they're not like any other normal person is real. Because I've been there. It's scary. I mean the thought is scary, not the place. This place is rather cool though, it help people.

A nurse I know smile when see me walking through the door. "She's still in the middle of a session."

"With a girl? Like... my age, long hair?"

"Rianne, yes." She smile.

I nod my head and smile too, "Okay, I'll wait. How long they've been there?"

"Nearly an hour."

"Okay, thank you." I sit on one of the sofa then, but not long after the door with Jamie's name on it open.

I stand up again to look at two woman walking out and face me surprised. Especially Rianne. She wasn't expect me to be here, but I know it the best, how awful it is to go home alone after that first therapy appointment. I hope my presence here can at least be like a support for her.

"Hey Jae, long time no see."

I smile to her, "Hey Jamie, made someone cry again in her first appointment?" I see Rianne looking away, trying to hide the fact that her eyes are swollen because of crying.

"That's my specialties. Why? Reminds you of your first appointment?"

I laugh awkwardly. It's Jamie. No surprise. "Thanks, though."

She lift her shoulders up, "My job." She nodded once then leave us.

I look at Rianne but she's still touching her eyes here and there, looking at anything else but me.

"Want to eat something first?"

"Can I just go home?"

"Sure, let's go home."

The ride to home is silent and awkward. I don't know what to say, the moment I decided to pick her up is to be there for her after that awful confession to the therapist. I think she need someone beside her. But now that I really beside her, I don't know what should I say. I know how it feels, but I don't know how to make her feel better. Talking about it seems like not a good idea, but I don't find anything to talked about either. We're still in this kind of awkward situations and she's still kind of closing herself to me. So I'm confused.

Maybe I shouldn't have come to get her? Maybe she'd rather be alone right now?

I sigh.

And like that, we arrived at home just like that. She go to her room and I go to mine. I take a shower, check my email and read some news of today, then ready myself to sleep when she knock on my door softly.

"I want to make ramyeon for dinner, do you want some...?"

We're staring at each other, full of awkwardness, period. But her eyes are beautiful, sparkling even. Oh my god. I shouldn't focus on that.

"I'm... going to bed."

She nod her head, "Okay." then leave. Just like that.

And I try to going to bed, sleep, just like I'm planning to. Unless my body doing something opposite from what my mind telling it to do. I get up from bed instead, walking out the door to the kitchen where she is. She feel my presence so she turn around to found me sitting in dining room.

"I change my mind. I want some."

She smiles then, "Okay."

-


	7. Chapter 7

There are many things happened in life that no one can explain it. There are many things happened in my life that even myself can't explain it. About all the bad things that happened to me. About the thoughts in my head that pushed me to jump that night. About Jae being there tried to save me. About Jae took care of my hospital bill. About me being here in Jae's house agreed to live here for awhile. About Jae showed up in front of doctor Jamie's door. About him being here with me right now eating ramyeon at nearly eleven.

It all happened so fast like my life had been turning all the way up and down and up again. At this point I can't even try to seek the answer why. Why those things happened to me, why he do what he did to me. At this point, I might just going to let everything happen as it is. Like he said, I have nothing to lose, let's just escalated to I have nothing to make it sense. All of this doesn't make sense in the first place.

But I want to get better. Doctor Jamie, she said to call her just Jamie without the doctor, so Jamie said I just need to try to open up. She said that I think too much without really talk about it. She said she will listen to everything I say because she doesn't know my past so she won't judge, and I believe her because after that, I really talked everything I thought and she just listened. She also said I can talk to Jae because opposite from her, Jae claimed to know everything about me so I won't feel ashamed to talk about it with him since you know... he already knew about it. She said talk to someone who knows is easier.

But I just found something that's hard: how to start. The first step is the hardest, like I can't just suddenly talk about it, right?

I watching him slurping his ramyeon again eagerly, he's nodding his head again while chewing, just like what he did this morning when eating the omelette.

"Delicious." He look at me nodding his head.

"Ramyeon always taste delicious however you cook it."

"Really?"

"You never taste ramyeon before?"

"I... guess it's been awhile since the last time I eat it." He looking away then take another slurp.

So do I.

"So you cried too the first time you met Jamie?" I asked very softly.

He shook his head, "Not the first time I met her, but the first time of my therapy session. I met her a long time ago, we're high school friends, actually."

"Oh, wow." I look at him, "But then you had that therapy session too? With her?"

He nodding his head, "Not long, though. She helped me with something that happened so sudden in my life... but it escalated fast. She's good. The best in this field."

"And you cried too."

He smile while nodding his head, "It's kind of embarassing, right?"

"Yeah, but... it's normal then? To cry at the first session..."

He sigh, "Rianne. The fact that we went to that place alone is making it not normal. It proving that we need help, that there's something in us that unusual, something that need to be fixed, someone we need to help."

I blink.

"It's hard to accept that fact, but that's the start. Knowing that we have something unusual, accepting that we are not okay, that's the start. And come to that kind of place is another good start, it means we decided to fight, for seeking help. For not losing."

"You've been there."

He nodding.

"Were you scared too?"

"Of course, it's scary before I can talk to her about what I felt. I was scared it will going worse than I already thought."

I sigh deep and look down, "Today, for the first time I finally talked to someone about what happened to me. I never really talk to you because you said you know everything..." I lift up my head to see him nodding his head, "With her, for the first time I finally talked about it. When I talked about these thoughts I have in my mind that pushed me to jump from that building... I realized that... I'm not... normal."

Jae keep his silence and let me talk more.

"She made me realized that those thoughts shouldn't be there, normally. That's the moment I realized that I really need help, and that realization hit me, so I cried."

"You're doing great."

We're staring.

"I'll help you." His eyes staring at me so sincerely, I trapped.

"Were you alone that time? After you talked to her?"

He look down then lift up both of his shoulders. "I know how awful it felt, so I came. I hope being with someone would help so I came."

"Thank you." I said very quietly. I'm embarassed but relieved at the same time.

He look at me long, "Fighting, okay?"

I smile and nodding my head.

"Did you take your medicine?"

"After this."

He nodding his head again.

Dear god, am I allowed to wanting to feel his hug? Suddenly the thought to curling myself in his hug is so appealing.

-  
 **-Jae's PoV-**

"She just need someone to talk."

I look at Jamie in seriousness.

"She has so much thoughts in her mind but never let it out because she has no one to talk about it. She's alone."

"She kind of close herself from people."

"Because she's ashamed of herself, her confidence hit rock bottom, she claimed herself failed, she doesn't want people who know her aware of her conditions. It's not good, it makes her close her relation with many people in her life. She tend to keep everything to herself instead of talking about it to someone, that's why she wasn't seeking help too."

I nodding my head.

"Now, because she met you, and you said you did a background check and know everything about her, I think you can be a big help for her. You can be the one she can talk to about everything since you know most of what happened in her life already. You and I, of course. At least we can listen to what she's thinking. And more than that, I think it's good for you too. Because she doesn't know anything about your life, you can talk about it with her without feeling judged. That's what you need for, right? It's a win win! And you both make my job easier because you live together! In the same roof! Wow! How wonderful!" She smiling wide.

I frowning my forehead.

"Oh come on, you don't have to pretend that you didn't like it. Plus, she's pretty." She lift both of her shoulders.

I know she's pretty. I keep trying to not bothering that fact, but her prettiness haunt me day by day as she try to smile more.

"So you still don't want to tell me how you met her?"

"She didn't tell you yet?"

Jamie shook her head, "Only the part you saved her life that night."

"Leave it like that, then."

She's pouting, "How about she ended up living with you? What makes you let her live there in your house? You hate being with people for too long, do you have that confident to be with her for a long time?"

"It's just until she get a job again, and a place to live."

"And no one know when."

"You said it yourself, it's not about how long, it's about how hard we try to be what we are again. She's doing that and I don't want her to bother about for how long she can live there with me. She can live there until she complete again."

She bite her lower lip, smiling. "I'm proud of you, Park Jaehyung. No one knows where that side of you come from suddenly like that, but I'm proud of you."

"What the..."

"Wonpil's right. Maybe something happened to your head, but I think it's for good. So I don't need to worry. Just keep it like that, without being a jerk to her, and both of you have my blessing."

"What are you talking about? I'm leaving." I stand up, shook my head then get out of here.

And for the first time in my life I know that I did something good, something right. Something socially acceptable. Surprisingly it feels good and makes me want to do more. To be better and do better.

Wonpil keep looking at me curiously from the rearview mirror while driving.

"What?"

He clear his throat, "I just wondering... It's Thursdsy, but you're heading home. It's... unusual."

"Rianne said she make grilled mackarel."

"And how is that supposed to answer my question?"

"And what's your question again?"

"I mean... On Thursday, you used to go to club, picking up girl to you know... hooking up in that hotel room, and get back to your own house at 3 in the morning..."

I get silence for awhile. I don't know, I don't feel like it. "Maybe I'll go after dinner."

Wonpil pfted, "Okay, actually it's not my business. I just feel kind of strange about this positive routines after you live with her."

Positive routines, huh?

-

  
"Let's play a game."

I turn my head to him.

"Telling what your feelings or thinking or maybe what happened today for like 3 minutes and I just listening without commenting. Then switch the role after that."

"Okay, you first."

"I failed to get another possible investor today." He started his story with a gulp of beer. "I think that's because we actually don't need another investor. I mean, it all started from the analysis result by internal control team, your friend Sungjin, that claimed one of our business will collapse soon if we're not adding some fund resources to cover up... the cost production. I disagree, because all the reports are good, the production costs are good, we still earning profits, everything's fine, but that team made calculations or something that led to that statement and bring worries to our employees."

I'm listening like he wanted, I just looking at him and listening without commenting, just nodding my head for letting him know that I'm still listening. He's one attractive man. If what Ahjumma said is right about him being a cassanova, then I'm not blame him for that. It's because he's indeed attractive, girls must be willingly to get laid, aren't they? Just like I forced him to do it with me.

"...now I feel useless to doing this, because everytime I explain about our situations, most investors didn't believe it. I can do something else instead of wasting time like this, something more useful other than meeting with this bunch of investors." He sigh long and deep. His 3 minutes times is up. "Your turn."

"Can I respon to your story first?"

He look at me thinking, "Okay."

"What did you offer to the soon to be investors?"

"Increase of many things, mainly profit."

"If I'm one of your potential investor, I wouldn't want to invest too."

"Not appealing?"

"I mean, I don't want to give you my money just to cover up your costs that only bring not that much increase on profit without something new. I want to invest to something new. New program? New strategic? That visibly can increase the profit in different way. Something that bring hope to arrived at the destination in different way."

He blink once, then twice. Then he touch his chin thinking, "True." He look at me again, "Okay noted. Your turn."

I thinking for awhile, "I... went to Ahjumma's flower shop today."

He frowning his forehead and I can imagine he's asking "Ahjumma has flower shop?"

"It was Ahjumma daughter's before she moved with her husband, now Ahjumma running the shop with two of her friends. And I went there today, and I... kind of amazed by it." I smile remembering it, "The shop's not that big, but it's really pretty. There are flowers everywhere, it smells so nice it makes me feel so relax, and... happy."

He's smiling hearing that.

"And they taught me how to arranging the flowers into a bouquet, so much fun. It was... surprisingly interesting." I just realized that I'm smiling through the story when I see Jae still look at me with his smile paste on his face too even after I finish my story.

"Is that why I keep smelling flower scent around here?"

I lift my right hand up and smelling my clothes, "It's not." I laugh.

He is too.

"But that's so good, Rianne. Such an improvement."

"I looked up for job vacancies too today."

"About that, you can do it slowly."

I just smile to that.

"Let's focus on your recovery first."

"I feel like it kind of linked to each other. Because that's one of the source of my worries, and one of the thing that triggered me having a suicidal thoughts, so... I think I should face it."

"Jamie told you that?"

"She said confront it, don't be a chicken. Now or later doesn't make any difference. If I do it later, it just makes me thinking much more worries and end up postpone to doing it again. I think in this case, the sooner the better."

"Okay, true." He's thinking again.

"And don't help me in this one."

He laugh a little, "I was thinking about that but then I feel like I'm going to ruin your confidence if I do that, so..."

"Right, let me do this by myself first, at least."

"Deal." We're staring.

Why we staring often though?

"Let's make this game official, let's play this every night before we go to bed." He said.

I laugh, "You'll get bored to hear mine, I swear."

"I won't."

"Oh please." I curling my feet under a blanket, head lean on the sofa comfortably. "What is this game called anyway?"

"You name it, it's your game."

"No, it's not my game. It's your game."

"Then it's Your Game." He blink his eyes at me, "Get it? Your game is called Your Game. And we're gonna play Your Game every night now."

"That's ridiculous."

"Because it is your game."

"Stop it." I laugh.

Just like he does.

-


	8. Chapter 8

"Night... is the time when that thought appeared the most."

"Do you aware of what trigger the thought appear?"

I think long. Not because I don't know the answer, but because there are so many things that might be the answer and I can't decide which one I should bring up first, plus I don't know how to explain it because it kind of tangled up messily in my mind.

"It's okay, slowly." Jamie smiles.

"I think it's the sum up of all the bad things that happened in my life. And the... fear that follows... about how I can continue living in my current situation..." I gulp down.

"Is that kind of like... arguing in your mind? Like you think about giving up but then you think about trying to find a new job to keep going on, are those thoughts comes and go simultaneously like that?"

I shook my head, "When the thought about giving up appear, it's just that." She staring at me deep, "It... constantly told me to end it all."

"Did the thought ever appeared again after you opened your eyes at the hospital?"

I try to remember what I felt that night when I first opened my eyes. I felt... angry. Because I'm alive. But the thought of ending my life again didn't appear right away. It appeared again on the discharged day, right before I decided to come to Younghyun's party, before I decided to lose it all. Before I slept with Jae.

"Once."

She nod her head, waiting me to continue to talk, assuring me that it's okay to talk about it.

"After I discharged. I guess I thought about it again as I face my reality... that I have nothing. Literally nothing. Nothing to do, nowhere to go..." My heart beating faster because I just realized that my condition right now is actually still not different from that day. I might be live comfortably right now, but it can disappear anytime.

My breathing pace start to go faster.

"Breath slowly. Breath in deep and long, hold on, now release it from your mouth." I follow her instructions, "One more time."

I do it one more time, this time with closing my eyes. I gulping down and press my lips tight.

"I think that's good for today. We'll untangle it slowly, little by little, one step at a time." Jamie smiles, "Keep trying, okay? Remember that it's not about how fast, as long as we're trying is what matters. And... doing something is helping. I mean, try to focus on something. Cooking, cleaning, reading..."

I nod my head, "I'll try to find something I can do."

"Yeah, try to not blank alone. You're getting better and making progress, Rianne. It's all good."

"Thank you."

"And no need to worry about living. You're safe now, that's what matter. You shouldn't waste all the help Jae giving to you. Use it as long as you can, before he turn into his jerk unbothered self he used to be." We laugh a little.

"Ahjumma said he's bad too."

"Oh, Rianne. He is. His reputation is just..." Jamie shooking her head fast, helpless, "I still can't figure out why he did this far for you." She laugh an unbelivable laugh, "But I think you can help each other out."

"How?" I smile looking down. If she think being near him can help whatever thing he's dealing right now, I want to help. At least that's what I can do to repay all the things he gave me.

We standing and start walking to the door, "Well, just listening to his talking is already a big help. He's practically healed, just need someone who can listen sometimes. Well the truth is we all humans are like that, in certain moment we need someone who can listen to our nonsense, so... he's been alone for too long, I think it's such a good change for him." Jamie open the door, "And your boy's here." She let me walk out the room to see him standing and smiling to me.

And I smile along with him, without thinking. Just like that. There's this strange feeling though, feeling that I can't explain, but it's familiar and comfortable. And kind of hypnotizing because when I realized what I just doing, I see Jamie folding her arms on her chest, looking at us inspectingly. Like she making herself sure her theory is right. I don't know what theory though, but I feel like I got caught up by her staring.

"Um..."

Jamie smiles, "Go home safely." She said before she step back to her room, give Jae another suspicious smile, and close the door.

"Good to go? Or you still have something to talk to her?" Jae asked when I still freezing staring at Jamie's door confused.

"I think she got the wrong idea of us."

"Don't mind her, she just want to make a good use of us living together, to easier her job. Let's go."  
  


"Can I open the window?" I asked while looking at the river.

"Will it cold?"

But I open the window anyway, feel the wind blowing my face and hair. "Not cold."

Jae slowing down a little bit then, let the wind come inside the car gently. I put my left arm on the window, my elbow sticking out, then I resting my head on top of it, watching the beautiful night scenery in front of me, smiling. Fresh. Such a long time since I can feel the freshness of air again, my surrounding felt suffocating lately, but tonight I feel a little... free.

"Do you remember what you suggested to me the other day?"

I lift up my head and look at him.

"About getting an investor for my company by offering something new..."

"You come up with something?"

"So I reread Sungjin's report and realized the main aspect that will affect our business in the future that makes him predict what he predicted is online selling. As our society's behaviour is changing fast day by day, Sungjin's predicted that customer will likely change their method of shopping eventually in less than a year. And if we only keep doing what we did today, it surely..."

His voice just like fading away as I look at him immerse at his explanation of his thought. He's passionate and it makes me smile. When will I get my passion back?

"...so I decided to arrange a meeting to really discuss about this. We indeed need a new innovation in online selling, I think that's worth to try. And like you said, maybe if we do something completely new, there will be someone to invest in it, to have a new hope of bigger profit in result."

"That will make you revise all the investors' criteria all over again..."

He sigh, "Right, sure. That's why I need a meeting first, to get approval from many divisions involved, especially Sungjin's team. This might change our main focus in business term too... but I believe it's worth to try."

I nod my head and smile. He got a new goal he want to achieve, when will I got mine?

"Your turn." He smiles, still keep looking at me in between his driving.

"Ah, we're playing it right now?"

"Of course."

I turn my head to face the street, the window still open by the way. "I like tonight's air."

"That's why you open the window?"

I gulp down, "I think... this is the first time I can feel the freshness of air since I lost everything. Back then wind felt suffocating, everywhere I go felt suffocating. I remember when I stood on the building that night, the wind was blowing so hard even my hair kept slaping my face, but I didn't feel cold at all. I felt suffocated, I couldn't breath."

There's silence. I still watching the street, reminiscing that night, the cold air on my skin, the suffocating feeling around my chest before I jump.

"But tonight, right now... I like it so much." I move my left hand out, feeling the wind blows through the gap of my fingers, smiling.

"It's colder though."

"I know right? Strange, it feels fresh to me." I blink, take a deep breath in and out slowly from my mouth, just like Jamie told me. It feels peaceful.

"Then let's have dinner outside tonight, at the place where you can feel the wind freely."

I smile to him as an agreement.

But the idea seems wrong when I spot Younghyun and that woman sitting there. That picture makes me freeze right away, stopping me from walking, ended up just standing and staring blankly at the entrance of the restaurant. So this is why I never spot them together before. Different with me, seems like Younghyun only bring her to a good fancy restaurants. Maybe that's why the idea of them spent time together was slipped out of my mind.

"Want to do something fun? A little... show of revenge?" Jae's voice pull me back to current state. Slowly I can feel my surrounding again. He is too, looking at them beside me.

I see them preparing to leave already, with big happy smile on each other faces. "How?"

"A: holding hands. B: hugging. C: casual kiss on cheek. D: passionate kiss on the lips all the way."

I turn my head to him then frowning my forehead as my question of 'are you for real?!' but he's not looking at me, keeping his eyes to them. Wait, is Jae even know my ex? How far did he do background check on me though? Does he know who's the woman with Younghyun too? Who once my closest officemates?

"He spot us." He said then I turn my head again to them.

And our sight meet, me and Younghyun. I notice his pupils got a little bigger as a sign of surprise, then he blink as his hesitation of seeing the man I standing with right now. Now he's frowning too as he slowing his walking pace. That woman's face is even more obvious. She's shocked, like she can't believe what she sees right now. She must be know who Jae is. Is Jae really that popular among girls like Ahjumma said? Now she open her mouth and smirking mockingly. Mocking me. I feel like she's mocking me right now, like she pitied me but also laughing at me at the same time.

My old self will surely feel ashamed of that, my old self will surely decided to turn around, run, and hide. But right now I'm with Jae. I don't know why but his presence makes difference. I feel... okay. Feel like I got back up. And his offer about revenge... brings power inside of me.

I blink still watching them, "D." I said right the moment they step outside the restaurant and stand not far from us. Younghyun staring at me and time feels like stopping again for me, until I feel something on my cheek.

Jae's fingers. He touch my cheek to turn my head gently to him and without giving me time to prepare or rethink my decision, he kiss my lips. Once and I just freeze. Twice then I close my eyes and kiss him back.

We're kissing again. D, passionate kiss on the lips all the way. I still feel his hand on my cheek, now moving down to my jaw, then on my neck. His other hand as well. He deepen the kiss and I feel like I will stumble stupidly so I grip his waist to hold myself. His lips' movement force my head to turn, for our kiss to get deeper. He suck it real good and my lips just react to it without I can't even control it. They fits perfectly good in a synchronize movement. It feels even more amazing than our first kiss that night on the street.

The moment Jae end it I feel the lost. I feel like flying at the same time, but I feel the lost. It's strange and when I look at him I feel embarassed because he's smiling with a corner of his lips lifted up, eyebrow lifted up as well. He looks happy and satisfied and here I am can't move or think so I just blinking my eyes rapidly.

"Hate to interrupt, but can we talk, Rianne?" Younghyun's question snap it out of me.

I step back from Jae to standing on my feet without lean on him, then my head looking at Younghyun and Jae back and forth confused.

"I wait inside and order." Jae smile then give a quick peck on my lips before leaving me with Younghyun.

And that makes my heart flutter. Oh my god why? I looking at Jae's back walking further away from me and it feels so weird.

"Rianne, I really am sorry." Younghyun said and I look at him, trying to get compose of myself again. That woman standing all the way back from him, letting us talk. She still got that mocking face on her and I hate it so much.

Is she really my officemate who I depend on back then?

"And I forgive you already." Hello, the old Rianne. The always kind and considerate Rianne.

"So what are you doing? With him?" Younghyun take a quick glance at Jae who I see already sit and talking comfortably to a waitress.

"What's with him?"

"Rianne, you might not know him, but he's a bad guy."

"And you know him?"

"Every club goers know him, he's... bad for a girl like you."

I blink and stare at him longer, "A girl like me?"

He stuttered, "I mean... you're not that kind of girl. You didn't go to club, you're not that type..."

I smirk, "I'm the innocent kind of dumb girl to get easily deceived, am I?"

He taken aback, "I don't mean it like that. You don't deserve to hurt, especially by someone like him. You better stay away, don't release your anger for me by doing something stupid like this. You'll ruin your life."

I hate him so much. Why he think it's all about him? Who is he to talk like that like he knew my life after he left me? He doesn't have any idea but why he talk like he care about my life after him? He didn't even seeking and curious about my condition and whereabout so how he still have that braveness to tell me what to do now?

"I hate you so much." I blink and sense this braveness and determination filling inside me. "I forgive you, but you should know that I still hate you so much. And what happen to me in the future is nothing for you to concern about so step back. Go away. Don't bother it." I gritted my teeth, "I won't bother you either. We're on our separate ways now."

-


	9. Chapter 9

**\- Jae's PoV-**

I open my eyes and stretch up my whole body, feeling so good physically and mentally. It's been a long time I think since the last time I had a sleep this good. I rub my eyes then looking at my ceiling and suddenly my smile appear. I don't want to think about it but can't help it. I succeed avoid it last night but the scene of me kissing her appear right now.

Kissing Rianne... is surprisingly interesting. Good. Fluttering. And addicting.

I never want to admit that I hoping it to happen again after we spent a night together but yesterday when our lips finally reconnected, there's no way to deny it, I like the sensation when our lips touch. And her respon is not helping. She kissed me back so good. Insane.

How I wondering about it right now is more insane. It's morning and I'm wondering about when will I get a chance to taste it again. Am I help her because I want her in that kind of way? Just to taste her again? I groan, closing my eyes and sigh, turn my body to sleep on my left side, feeling the softness of my blanket with my hand.

"I'm a mess." I groan again still closing my eyes.

The smell of her morning coffee invade my nose, makes me form a smile once again. "God I really am a mess." I mumble alone before getting up and walking to the bathroom door to brush my teeth and wash my face. I don't want to miss her coffee and our morning talk.

I see her back the moment I step outside my room but then she turn around as if she know I'm here then smile to me. So bright that it's dazzling. Or it's just me having problem with my own eyes.

"Good morning." She said with cheerful tone, now her eyes smiling along, sparkling.

"Had a good sleep? You look so motivated." I sit on my usual chair, she put a cup of coffee on my side of table.

"Just... I can sleep on time last night, finally after a long time." She said still with a cheerful tone.

Me too, I reply her in silence. "I guess that's because your little revenge is a success so you didn't think of him last night."

She turn her head from the refrigerator, "Is that why?"

Wow, her smile really is something else. I'll give everything to see that smile every morning like this. I hope she smiles more and makes me become more of a mess I am. Or just wrecked me completely, I don't mind.

"What's for today?"

"Bokkeumbap." She start to work, fast. No moves are wasted she's a pro indeed. She must be always in hurry that she can moves that fast.

"I wish you'll always be in a good mood like this." I said unintentionally when she finally put a pan of bokkeumbap on the table. "It's nice to see."

"Jamie said I'm getting better."

"I can see that. I'm proud of you."

She laugh, soft. But then she staring at me, long. It makes me nervous without reason so I take a bite of bokkeumbap to distract myself.

"Thank you for last night though..."

I smile a little, "So tell me, the show was a success, right? What did he say?"

"He said you're bad, and I should stop what I'm doing because I'll hurt later, I should release my angriness to anyone else."

"Huh." I chuckled, nearly laugh.

But then she staring at me so deep, "But I'm not... I mean... I'm not releasing angriness or anything because of him... on you. I... okay maybe I still think about everything he did to me sometimes, but... that doesn't really important anymore compare to other things that happened to me. I'm more concerned about... anything else but him. So... so what if you're bad? Right? That information has nothing to do with me because we're not in that kind of... you know... relationship."

Damn why I disagree about that statement? Do I want us to be in that kind of relationship honestly? Because I don't deny that I want to taste her lips again, and maybe all of her as a whole once again on my bed. God I'm so messed up.

"So you don't mind if I'm bad?"

"I mean... that's who you are and it has nothing to do with... me..." Her speaking volume become quieter as I stare her deeper.

Silence creep in.

"Why you sounds not confident saying it?" I smile.

She blink, and confused.

"I am bad, Rianne."

"In term of sleeping with different girl every week?"

"Maybe in term of everything too."

"Clearly not." She grab a spoon, "Look what you gave me. Of course you're not bad in term of that." She take a bite, chewing with her eyes still at me.

"So you really don't mind if I'm bad in term of sleeping with different girls every week?" I let out a little laugh then try eating too.

She think for awhile and it looks cute as hell so I turn my head down to smile.

"Well that's bad, but I'm sure you did that under the girl's consent, right?"

"True."

"Just like what we did..."

I nod my head. "I always do it after both parties reach an agreement."

"So it's not fully your fault then. I mean, the behaviour is bad, but that's because other people let you be bad."

I open my eyes bigger, my eyebrows lift up, then I laugh hard, "What is that?"

"That doesn't even make sense, does it?"

"At all. That is such a nonsense." We both laugh. "To be clear, so you're okay with me being bad?"

"I don't mind because it has nothing to do with me. Case closed." She smile and take another bite. "Thank you for the revenge show though. It was surprisingly fun seeing their shocking reaction, I never feel so... supreme in my life."

"You know what else that was fun?"

She lift up her eyebrows.

"The kiss."

She stop chewing and freezing her sight to me. "The quick peck after it was unnecessary."

I frowning, "That was the convincing point, the main key."

"I take back what I said, you're baaaad." She's freaking out but I laugh at that instead.

The atmosphere got peaceful again as we both continue eating, but eyes still can't stop looking at her, along with this lips that can't stop smiling.

"What?" She's whining.

"Nothing. The food is tasty as always." I take a spoonful and munching it fast, "So what are you planning to do today?"

"Actually my friends want to see me."

"Oh, you're going out."

"You sounds upset." She tease me.

Damn I am. "No, I just thought we're gonna chill together today."

"You mean you working all day while I looking for something fun to do alone." She laugh while grab the empty pan and walking to the sink to wash it.

"Or we can go out instead." I said beside her, lean on the counter to face her.

"You said you still have to finish your business presentation for the big meeting on Monday."

"It can wait for tomorrow."

"My friends really force me to meet them, I ditched them twice since I live here, I don't think I can do it again today."

"Tell Sungjin you're not feeling well."

"Who said I'm going to meet Sungjin?" She laugh.

"Sungjin is your only friends."

"So damn true." She laugh to pitying herself while drying the wet utensils, she walking here and there then, to place it in its place. "Where we're going though?"

"Somewhere, not far." The truth is I don't know. I just feeling kind of stuffed with all the works so I want to go for a drive a little bit. I think doing that with a company is a good idea.

Or maybe I just want to spend the day with her. I'm not really sure.

"We can do it after I meet my friends, it won't take long. They just want some updates about my life and stuff, they're worry too much."

"Deal."

"But... do you ever talk about this to Sungjin? About me living here... about how we met..."

"I'm not the style who told people about everything I do in my life, Rianne. All people assuming everything about me from the talk here and there. Only few who really confirmed it to me directly. And I don't care about that talk a little bit." He shrug his shoulders, "So what do you want me to do about Sungjin? You want me to tell him you live here with me? I'll do everything you want."

"I think it's better to keep him clueless about it."

"So I'll zip my mouth tight about you. Won't mention you a little bit to him."

I smile, "I'll meet them quick so we can go before lunch."

"Good decision."  
-

Hang out with Sungjin and Fei always good, we knew each other for a long time, so we can talk about almost everything that happened in each other's life. Sungjin's life seems in its golden time because every goals he want to achieve are slowly going to that direction, good things keep happening to him. Including Nayeon too. I never thought Nayeon would means so much to him, but hearing it from his mouth directly makes me believe that he really loves her. I won't surprise if they're ended up in an aisle soon. Fei is still dealing with her new work. She transferred to another division suddenly without any discussion in advance so she still adapting, she hates her team mate matter of factly, that's why it kind of stress her out. She thinking about to quit and just open some cafe or anything. She said she exhausted to working for someone else who unconsiderate like that.

I like talking with them until it's time for me to talk. It makes me nervous and small, and that feeling of failed my life appear again within me. Follow by ashamed. Big ashamed. So I have no choice but to lie again. I lied about living with Jae. Well, I told them I'm living with someone who happened to help me out of boredom, and try to not mention him that much. I told them I still looking for a job but I did some work at a flower shop, yes I didn't lie in this part. I did working at a flower shop helping Ahjumma. Fei curious and want to stop by at the shop later. Fei always like flowers, the smell relaxes her, so she looks excited when I told her about that.

Younghyun's name mentioned just like that in the middle of our talk and it give Sungjin a chance to talk about that night, the party to lose it all.

"I didn't find you, I wanted to give you a ride home but you just like disappeared." He said.

"I saw her danced insanely with so many guys but not long after you're gone from the dance floor. I wasn't even noticed with which one of them you left." Fei look at me curious.

I just smile, can't answer. I really don't want to talk about it. First, it involves Jae. Second, it involves my attempt to another jumping down the building. I did good till here covering up those facts.

"I remember him, by the way." Fei said again making me looking at her nervously. "That guy who helped you moving out your stuff from my place."

Oh boy.

"Who is he? Why you didn't call me to help you instead? Seriously Rianne, don't make distance from us like that."

"I don't... make distance, though. Just don't want to bother you about my same problem everyday. And I'm survived now, right? Look, I'm all good, healthy and fine." I smile to them assuring.

"So who is he?" Sungjin demand.

And I don't know how to explain. He clearly knows Jae, they're in the same office and from Jae's story I assume they both working together pretty often.

"I surely saw him before, he looks familiar to me, but why I can't recall my memories?" Fei answered Sungjin's question instead.

And it makes Sungjin staring at me demand harder. "A good person, that's all you need to know. I feel grateful everyday that I met him."

"And you live together with him now?"

"The best option I have right now."

"You always have an option to move in to my place." Sungjin start to argue about that again.

"Fei, please explain to him again." But Fei just laugh at my hopelessness.

"Nayeon got soft recently, I think she won't bother it that much this time."

"Oh boy, I'm out of here." Fei stand up.

"Me too." I laugh and follow her.

"I swear!"

"If you can bring her here to hang out with us, that's the time we will believe you." Fei said while laughing, then we leaving him for sure.

Me laughing too. Such a long time since the last time I laughing this freely without much thinking. It feels good, it makes me happy. And thinking about my plan with Jae after this just adding the happiness. It's like finally there's something I can look forward to. To keep on the move. I feel so alive and normal.

So I'm smiling until I come inside the house, I knock on his door but no answer. I frown and realized the house feels quiet too. Is he not home? He said he will wait for me, though.

I walk to the kitchen to get a drink and spotted a sticky note on refrigerator say:

_Wonpil needs me so I go out for awhile. Call me when you're home, I pick you up right away_

I smile reading it, forgetting drink, I search my phone inside my bag, but before I can find his number, I hear a 'beep' from the front door then a slam. I thought it's Jae so I approach the front door with a really light step but then I froze awkwardly in the middle of hallway. I blink fast and my forehead frowning. I'm staring at a woman in her middle aged covered in classy aura, she's now frowning her forehead too, thinking about my existence in this house.

"Hello?" Unexpectedly she's smiling, very softly.

I blink more nervously, "Um...hi, um... hello." I bow slowly.

"This is my son's house."

Oh good lord.

I bite my bottom lip, "Ah... you are Jae's mom..."

She smiles again. Her smile is rather... welcoming though?

"And you are...?"

I clear my throat nervously again. "I um..." I look at elsewhere but her, my brain feels like running to create some kind of logical and normal answer, "...a friend. I... live here for awhile because... something happened with my... house..."

She tilt her head to the side and smile wider, "Interesting." Her eyes looks sparkling before she scanning me from head to toe. "Forgive me, this is the first time I ever meet Jae's friend." She smiles again, now she's walking slowly approaching me, "More shocking, his girl... friend, in his own house." She look into my eyes, standing right in front of me, still smiling. Now her smile feels friendly, "So what's your name?"

I blink and gulp before answer, "Rianne. Song Rianne."

"Name is as beautiful as the face."

I cough as a surprised state, "It's not, though..." I smile embarassed, "Um... Jae is... out for awhile, I just gonna call him. Would you like something to drink?" I turn and walk inside again, to the kitchen and open the refrigerator right away. "We have apple juice, pome, orange with pulpies, coke, lemon water..."

"Since when his refrigerator has so many stuff like this?" I gasp because she already standing near me to looking at the inside of refrigerator, "There are many stuff to cook, woah!" She touch some of it with a happiness on her face then turn her head to me. "I want a glass of pome juice, please." She smiles to me and excuse herself to sit on the dining chair.

I clear my throat again and prepare the drink while feeling her eyes on me. I feel like my every moves being watched, one little mistake and I might done. I take a deep breath silently before turn my body and face her again, put a glass of pome juice in front of her.

"Have a nice drink."

She smiles and take a sip, while closing her eyes, and gulping down with a smile still paste on her lips.

"I... excuse me for awhile to tell Jae..."

She nod her head and I walk fast to the hallway, call him right away, my heart pounding so hard, I'm so nervous. What should I do? What should I say to her?!

-


	10. Chapter 10

**-Jae's PoV-**

"You're home?"

"Yes, and you better here VERY fast too."

I frown at her nervous tone of voice, "Can't wait to see me already?" I'm not bothering Wonpil who turn his head right away after heard what I say.

"Your mom's here." She whisper but I notice she just trying to not freaking out.

And I stand from my sit right away, "Are you sure she's my mom?" Again, I try to not bother Wonpil's gaze on me.

"She knew your password and walked inside the house and found me standing dumfounded in the hallway and said 'this is my son's house'. How can I not sure she's your mom?!"

She's freaking out but I bet her expression is so cute right now. Ah, I should've been there to witness it. "Okay, I'll be there in like... 30 minutes."

"Are you kidding? What should I do in that 30 minutes with her?"

I smile and give Wonpil a wave as goodbye then walking outside with him shooking his head left and right, "Do whatever you want. You can stay inside your room if you want, don't bother it."

"Are you insane? I can't stay inside my room while your..." She stop her talk, "...just come quick. Please I beg you."

"Roger, Rianne. Have fun in the meantime."

I hear her whining before end the call. It brings smile on me. Wow I smile often these days I feel some weird feeling on my jawlines because of it.

My mom's not a problematic rich mom, by the way. She's just very sociable woman. She bother almost all the things her socilita friends told her about our family. Especially me. She must know every little things of what hot these days, what popular, what people in this country is into. She always stand in the middle of the social changes, she likes the spotlight and being involved. She scared to be left behind, so she try to be in the front, creating a trend. Long short story, she hate being alone and forgotten. A typical social person.

I'm not worry about her reaction seeing Rianne at my house, I think she'll kind of happy about it. Because she actively arranged stupid blind date for me in these past two years, vocally want me to choose one woman and settle already. She said she had enough of people badmouthing me, had enough hearing bad stories about me that involve girls. So I think finding a girl at my own house will please her somehow.

It's Rianne who I worried about. Afraid she will freaked out, scared she's scared alone. So I try to drive as fast as I could to be home faster. But what I found when I got home is completely a plot twist.

Surprise, surprise.

I hear their conversations in the hallway when I'm walking slowly inside, my step become even more slower to focus on their talking because I still surprise.

"Add a little bit of that, Jaehyungie like that."

"This? Wouldn't it make it too salty?"

"No, just a little bit more. Okay, good! Now we just have to let it cook for a little more."

"I'll arrange the table then, eomoni."

But she stop midway when see me lean on the wall by my side watching them smiling. The fact she called my mom eomoni just an hour after they met each other... I shouldn't have worried about her.

"You're home!" Her voice makes my mom turn her body.

"Son~" she said too bright and cheerful from her usual self.

"Since when you cook again, mom?"

She smiling embarassed, "What are you talking about? I cook at our main house, sometimes. You just don't know about it."

I scoffed. "Everything's under control, then?"

"Of course! What do you mean? We're having a good time~" she said and laugh. Rianne too, but then she look at me and gritted her teeth.

"Mom, this is Rianne. Rianne, my mom. I never thought there will come a day to introduce you both like this, but... it happened."

My mom just smile, "Let's sit, lunch will ready in 5 minutes. Wonpil's not here?"

"Wonpil has so many things to do." I follow Rianne instead to help her prepare the table. "Woah you guys cook so many side dish, and all of it is my favorite." I laugh. "Feels like we celebrating something. No?" I look at my mom who stirring the jiggae that still boiling hard. The smell is so good makes my stomach growling.

She shrug both of her shoulders, "I just feel happy doing it with a company. She's such a good cook, so it brings back so many old memories of mine."

I intentionally looking at Rianne, noticing her blushing, happy with that first impression.

"So you cook everyday?" My mom asked after turn off the stove and move the jiggae to another big bowl and put it on the table. Me and Rianne already sitting side by side in front of her, ready to dig in.

"I try to."

"Glad to know." She smile then lead the pray before we finally dig in.

Everyone take the first taste and expressing the taste, saying how tasty every dish are, then start to munching the food eagerly. I think I never see my mom eating so earnestly like that, she used to eat with so much elegance rich woman vibe. That's such a surprising scene to see. And as much as I surprised, she seems to surprise as well of how I eat this. Well, I always eat Rianne's food eagerly since day 1, so...

"I see that your food is match well with his taste." She smile to Rianne who then look both of us back and forth in confused.

"I don't know that Jae... is kind of picky about food...?" She said in the end.

"As long as I remember, he only eat that passionate when he eat my cook. Long time ago, because after we moved in to our current house I rarely cook for him, and after he live alone, he just... rarely eat."

True, but surprisingly when I taste Rianne food, it's just delicious. And I just want to keep eating.

"I thought that's just because there's nothing to eat when he should be eating and no time to do it properly."

"Ahjumma made him food too, once in a while. But she said he refused to eat it. I assumed that's because the taste didn't match well with him." My mom whisper.

"Ah..." Rianne nodded her head and laughing it a little. "Glad that my food match well with his taste, then."

"I always worry about that, but knowing there's someone who can do this for him everyday is... reliving." She smile so dreamily to Rianne.

Rianne smile, "I'll try to make sure he's eating well, eomoni."

"Omo, thank you so much. You're such an angel. Your personality is even prettier than your look."

I cough surprised. What is that?

We all looking at each other for a full second, then I notice Rianne grimmace a little.

"Rianne isn't here to take care of me 24/7, mom. She has life too, you know."

"I'm sure your mom does not meant it like that, Jae." Rianne smile to me, she turn her head and looking at me.

"True. I just glad that at least she make you eat. You know that's the only thing I pointed out at you everytime I made a visit here? Now Rianne is here and cook for you, I guess I just feel grateful for it, you know."

"Of course." I smiling and we continue eating in more chilling way.  
  


"Son,"

"Mom,"

We're staring. She sit on the edge of my bed while I'm watching her from my desk across the room.

"I really hope you don't mess it up this time."

I laugh.

"I like her." She said again after my laugh stop.

"You like her but you will do background check on her right after this." Damn, I'm so my mom's son. I did the same.

She shrug, "That's how everything works nowadays. Besides it's not like you will tell me your story with her if I ask."

"We're not in that kind of relationship, though."

"Yet," she smiles excitingly, "So you better not messing up."

"She's different."

"I can see that, son."

"I mean... she's not... like us."

"A common people."

"More than that, she never had like... family... She's alone." I see her expression turn into simpathy along with sighing 'Oh...'

"It must be hard for her, living alone all this time."

I never see this kind of sad expression from my mom, wow. I think our family too familiar with fancy things that this kind of side rarely appear on us. Everything always sugarcoated in our social life, so I'm a little taken aback by her reaction. "Yeah, I guess it was so hard for her..." I mumbled thinking about her attempt to end her live. It must be so scary, she must be frightened too that night. Things must never be easy for her.

"So you better do it right this time." She staring at me with full of seriousness.

"I'm just helping her."

"Sure, son. And I'm proud of you by doing a good deed like that, helping people in need."

I frowning my forehead.

"Besides, she's pretty, alone, polite, her personality is nice at the first impression, and she can cook well." She smiling, put both of her palm together excitedly.

Her sentence made me question my own reason to helping her. At this rate, my reasons to help her seems like because of all that stuff my mom just blurted out. I wonder if she's not pretty. I wonder if I feel awful when I forceful kissed her. I wonder if that one night stand never happened. Will I still be helping her? Surely no. Big no. I don't even bother to look at her, I think. Damn I'm such a hypocrite.

I sigh and facepalm lightly.

"Well, son. It's the first time I'm visiting you and not nagging about anything. Especially about your eating habit." She smiles happily again, "It feels so nice, like one disturbing rock inside my mind finally break into pieces. I don't need to worry about that matters anymore, wow. This day finally come. I'm counting on her, so you better listen to her well. And don't ruin this." She stand up, "Now come here, let me hug you before I go."

I scoff a laugh before we're hugging.

"Did you still visit Jamie?"

"I'm healed, mom. Just meet here once in a while." Well, a little bit more often than once in a while, actually. I picked up Rianne from Jamie's clinic sometimes. I wonder how fast will she know about that fact and how she's going to react to it.

"Good, talk to her once in awhile, just in case, you know."

"I know. How's dad?"

We back to looking at each other, end the hug, "Busy as always." She sigh, "It's like I have two stubborn child, really."

I laugh a little, "Grandpa?"

"He's nagging more day by day but you don't need to worry about that."

"I rarely see him at office though."

"He just needs some rest, he not talking about you that much, it means you're doing fine at company, right?"

"I always did fine, it's his prejudice that always like Sungjin's work more just because my personality and style is different from normal people."

She nodded her head grimmace, "I know, I know, be more normal then, son." She's walking out leaving me, never give a damn care about what we guys do at the company, actually.

"Oh, you leaving already?"

"Let me hug you too." My mom hug her just like that before she can react to it, tapping her back a couple times, meanwhile she look at me with furrowed eyebrow, asking 'what is this?' but I just shrug my shoulders.

I lean on the wall, savoring that warm scene in front of me.

"Thank you for taking care of Jaehyungie's eating habit. It means so much to me, really." She smiles to her after end the hug. "Keep doing that, you grant my support." She touch her cheek once, smiling, "Now I gotta go. Let's have another cook battle sometimes?"

Rianne smile so genuinely, "Sure, that was fun."

My mom nodded her head a couple times smiling looking at her, proud.

"Go home safely... eomoni..."

She just smile then leave us, closing the door lightly, cheerfully. Leaving Rianne in confused. She then turn her head to me, watching me long.

"She's not mad?"

I press my lips together, "Why should she be mad?"

"Her precious son living together with some strange random girl."

"You don't know how much she thankful for that fact instead." I scoffed. "Let's go out as we plan to do, I want some patbingsu. Let me grab my key."

-

  
_Hey, Rianne. This is Jae's mom, I know we just met, but I'm so curious about something. Do you ever have patbingsu together with Jae?_

I frowning my forehead to that random text I just received. Like mother like son, they both really capable to track someone down in silence. How she knows my number though? Did Jae gave her? Also, call it coincidence but her question regarding patbingsu is so out of the blue. No, not because it's random, but because I am going to have some patbingsu with him right now. What's with the timing? Are they talk about this dessert just then?

_Timing is kind of funny, as I got your message, I'm waiting for Jae get our patbingsu, eomoni. Wish you here with us, though._

Her reply come right away, says:

  
_Jae only eat that dessert with someone he likes. Save my number, Rianne. Have fun you both._

And that one short reply success to makes me freeze like a dumb person.

"Something's wrong?" Jae asked while puting down a big bowl of patbingsu on the table. "Not feeling good?"

I lift my head to look at him who still standing. He wear a black hoodie that fit his body perfectly, his face is milky white and bare with no single make up product on it, he let his hair a little bit messy on purpose, his different size of his eyes that look at me in confused... he looks so boyfriend material all of the sudden. And that one sentence of her message just like playing upon my eyes like a running text on the news.

_Jae only eat that dessert with someone he likes._

_Jae only eat that dessert with someone he likes._

_Jae only eat that dessert with someone he likes._

Oh boy. Why my heart beats faster?

"Rianne, are you okay?" He move to my side and I move away automatically, taken aback. "Take a deep breath, like Jamie told you."

But I just looking at him, like those stupid fangirl meet her idol. I need to breath in and out. "Fine, I'm fine." I force a smile.

"Really? Because we can go home if you're not..."

"No, patbingsu's here. You say you want to eat it. Let's eat."

He still looking at me with worry on his face, but then we start to dig the dessert and the atmosphere turn fine again eventually as we keep commenting how delicious the dessert is.

"Why patbingsu suddenly?" I lick my lips, tasting the sweetness of it on my tounge.

"I just suddenly want it, such a long time since the last time I eat it, kind of miss the taste of it, I guess?"

"You remember? The last time you had this?"

"With my mom, it was raining and I was crying so much that day." He put down his spoon, move his body to the back until it touch the sofa. His eyes staring at the space, wondering, reminiscing those day. "It was the sweetest patbingsu ever."

I'm smiling, resting my back too watching him, "Wasn't it cold?"

"Maybe, I didn't remember that clearly now."

"Doesn't matter if that becomes a warm memories for you now." We look at each other. We're staring too often this is not healthy, really. But it's hard to break free from those eyes, and his smile right now isn't helping at all. We ended up staring, no talking just staring and smiling. Are we both stupid or what?

"Is my mom troublesome?" One corner of his lips twitched, eyes blinking rapidly.

"She's actually fun! She knows many things about side dish, I had such a great time cooking with..." My sentences got cut by his touch. He lean forward, his thumb touch my upper lips gently. I swear my heartbeat stops for like one second because of that. "...her."

"Sorry there's syrup on your lips." He lean back to his original state.

"You can just tell me about it though." I smirk, "No wonder people keep getting the wrong idea about us if you keep doing that."

"What people, though?" He laugh.

"Jamie, Ahjumma, your mom."

"So I only allowed to do that in front of Younghyun?"

"We'll never meet him again."

"So there's no chance for me to do something like that again?"

"Something like what exactly? What are we talking about actually?" I laugh.

"Laugh more, Rianne. It's a pleasant view to see." He said suddenly.

I hope I'm not blushing though, but I'm looking away still. I surprised that I still can laugh remembering my pathetic situation right now.

"I want to make something healthy for you for dinner." He raise his eyebrows, "Samgyetang or galbitang? One two three!"

"Galbitang." He laugh, "What is that?"

"Let's drop by the mart first." I stand up, he follow still with his laughing.

-


	11. Chapter 11

**-Jae's PoV-**

I finally understand why mart date is a thing and always there on dramas. It's fun, surprise surprise. Well, maybe the idea of 'spending time with person you like' is what makes everything make sense. All my life I never thought I'd found someone who makes me want to go mart to shop groceries, everything I need always get prepared by someone else, but here I am. With her, strolling around the mart, doing that kind of cute cheesy romantic scenes from dramas without I even tend to do. You know the scenes where the lead characters got immersed on some weird or cute stuff at the mart? Or the scenes where they feeding each other free sample of food? Or when the main actress can't reach something from the higher rack and ended up the main actor reach it for her? I just realized I did it all. I push the troly behind her and that realization just hit me in a strange way.

What am I doing exactly?

And I don't know, maybe it's because the lighting of this place, but she looks beautiful. Shining and beautiful. She smiles a lot, everything she did gets my interest. Even when she just confused to choose between two seasonings, how she's frowning her forehead while scanning those cans is interesting. It stir something in me, my heart flutter and there's the urge to stop the time. Letting her to be like that all the time, immersed in something instead of spacing the air blankly like she often do usually. She's so much alive and I like seeing her like that. I'm proud of her, to be able to come at this point.

She finally give up to find the differences between those products and look at me, really looking at me with that usual 'taken aback' expression, found me watching her like a dumb.

She walks closer, "I can't see the difference." Both of her hands up holding the two cans of seasoning.

"Just choose the expensive one."

She kind of pouts her lips, "Because you pay for this, okay then." She put down the can on her right hand to the cart then putting back the other to its place. She walks beside me then, matching our pace. "Funny that I used to buy the cheapest thing to be able to saving more."

"You can buy all the expensive one now."

She smiles, eyes looking far to the front. "What's the most expensive thing here?"

"I'll buy it for you." What's wrong with me? That's more cheesy than any other lines in romcom movies or dramas.

"How about that giant king krab?"

"Sure."

"And those clams?"

"Take it."

"How about a brand new stove and washing machine? Or refrigerator? And microwave?"

I turn to her looking at her, "Take it all."

She tilted her head to me, "Whoever person married you later must be the lucky one, she doesn't have to worry about these kind of things."

"But she surely has one difficult task to do."

"What is it?"

"Making me want her." I stop walking to focus on her, make her stop walking as well, "Making me want to stay with her for a long time."

She watching me.

"It's not easy because I get bored at people easily."

"That's why you get different girl every week?"

Right.

"That's why you reject all of those girls your mom chose for you?"

Right again.

"But have you tried?" She push the trolly slowly, make us walking again.

"That's another problem. No one makes me want to try too."

"Not even once?" She asked that nonchalantly, eyes looking at various of meat in front of her, trying to act like it's not a big deal, like she asked that not because she curious but just for keeping the conversation going.

"No."

She grab one pack of meat, "I'll make a really delicious galbitang for you." her attempt to look unbothered by this conversation.

"Was it hurt? Breaking up..."

She push the trolly again, "For a certain moment, yes. But the pain got distracted then, suddenly I realized I didn't think about him that much again. We never went that deep anyway. My life wasn't all about him."

"But don't you still reminded of him in your daily activities?"

"Strangely, not really. I hate him the moment he confessed his cheating, I'm just... mad."

"Let's go to their wedding together."

"I don't want to go."

"Why? It'll be fun, continuing the show of revenge."

"Sungjin will be there, a lot of my friends will be there."

"Means more fun."

I see her considering it in silence then say, "It's next week."

"We have plenty of time to prepare the outfit, then. Should we wear some matching suit and dress?" We laugh as we walk to cashier.

-

I open the door while wondering who is sane person who visit someone's house at this hour? It's not even 6AM. And if it's Jae's guest then she or he is unlucky because Jae is out of town right now. It's been two days he's not went back home and I've been feeling so lonely, this house feel quieter at night it's a little scary honestly.

But I freeze when I see Nayeon standing in front of me, looking at me with the same surprised expression as mine.

"You really live here!" She nearly scream.

My mouth moving, open and close trying to say anything but I can't think of anything.

"You live with Park Jaehyung, my goodness, Rianne. Are you crazy?! Do you know who Park Jaehyung is?"

I can't decide if she mad or worried or neither of both.

I sigh, "Okay, let's talk. Not here, meet me at the coffee shop in the lobby in 20 minutes."

"10 minutes." She's not waiting for compromise, turn her body just like that from me.

I touch my forehead I think I will get a headache soon. But I move fast, change my clothes, wash my face, brush my teeth. What should I say to her? What's the best scenario to not create a chaos?

I stop my movement, looking myself on the mirror.

But should I really making up story, though? If what me and Jae planning about attending Younghyun's wedding together really happening later, what's the use of lying to Nayeon now? Right? Should I just tell her the truth? From where? From Jae rudely kissed me that night when we first met? Or from Jae tried to save me before I jump? Or from Jae paid my hospitall bill?

I sigh, my head hurts. I sense that everything I say to Nayeon will come at the first scene I met Jae anyway. So I decided to just tell her the truth, I don't care if she's gonna believe it or not.

"Sungjin will be so damn mad at you." That's the first thing she pointed out after I finish my story.

"Don't tell Sungjin."

"He surely will found out eventually."

"Just let it happen eventually, then. Or give me some time, I'll tell him all about this soon."

"Wait, I still curious, do you aware what kind of man Jae is?"

I blink, "Well... only from what people told me."

"Which people? Do you hear from a... club goers, or... party freak... that type of people? Because Rianne, he famous among those people, and that's the bad kind of famous. Sure, girls are adore him, they lining up to get laid with him and dumb enough to be played by him just to satisfied his sexual need. But what he did is still bad, and you clearly not that kind of people, as far as I know. You're..." she try to contain herself, "You're Rianne. Good and nice girl everyone dream to be."

I'm so sick of that good girl image of me. That's what brought me to this situation, actually. Besides, Jae never do bad things to me, he just helping me. Why everyone judge him like they know him like that? It's me who live together with him, but why I didn't feel threatened at all by him? On the contrary, I feel safe with him, I feel powerful, strong. My confidence rose up when we're spending time together, I feel like a normal person, I rarely feel ashamed of myself. I feel special. But why everyone around me just... think of Jae like that? It's not fair for him.

"Do you claim that you know Jae by your statement? How can you know him? How can you be so sure he's that bad? I'm the one who live with him."

She blinking her eyes, taken aback by my words.

"True that he slept with maybe thousand girls, but that happened under consent. Like you just said, girls are lining up to get laid with him, means they did it willingly. They knew his reputation but still want to do it with him. No offense, I feel sorry for those girls, but... it's not fair for Jae too if you just labeled him bad like that." Dear god what did I just said though? Why am I defended him like this? It's not my business, Jae is no one to me like I'm no one to him.

Nayeon's expression got soft, trying to understand my analogy.

I sigh, "Look, Nayeon. I don't really know Jae either, but for the past month I live with him, he never did even one small bad thing that I hate. He always asked before he do something that involves me, he think of what's good for me. He help me. When I feel ashamed to tell you all about my difficulties, he appeared and lend his hand. He helping me. Still until now. I'm not feel scared anymore finally after a long time. He tried to find my pieces and put it into one again, tried to make me whole again, to be who I am again. He's not bad."

Nayeon tilting her head. "So you slept with him in return?"

"What?! No! That's what you think of me?"

"Because there is no way some stranger did that much without something in return, and looking at Jae's record... that's the most possible thing happen between you two."

I face palming myself. Why people believe at things that they don't see? They're clearly not seeing the Jae who I see everyday.

"You don't know him." I staring at her with big certainty in my eyes, hope she believe me. It's working apparantly because she get silence then, thinking.

"But Sungjin still will be so mad at you."

I sigh, "I'll tell him myself." Not in the near future, but I'll tell him myself.

"If I say I'm fine with you living with Sungjin, will you move out?"

"But you never fine with that." I let out a laugh.

"Well, if it can avoid bad things that mostly will happen to you, why not? You're Sungjin's friend, you mean so much to him..." her eyes blinking rapidly can't believe what just blurted out from her own mouth.

And that makes me frowning.

"I just... don't want bad things happen to you again. You're so pathetic, why your luck seems so messed up? Really..." she take a deep breath. It's a lot to take for a rich girl like her, I know. The story of my life surely will bring out the simpathy side of rich people. Wow.

I don't like myself so much, this is the situation that I always want to avoid. I don't like to be pitied by rich people, especially people who knows me. It felt easier with Jae because he was a stranger when he learned how broken and miserable I am. But it's Nayeon. She is the people in my life.

"I'm fine living with Jae."

"For awhile, yes. Because who know what will happen later? Everyone knows what kind of man Jae is, how his attitude with girls... and now you expect me to not worried about that?"

"How about you change your way of thinking? Just think that this is what I want. Sleep with Jae? If you think that will happen, then think that's what I want." I move forward to whisper that to her, "Think of me differently. Think of me as a club goers, as bad girls type. Think of me as those girls who lining up to get laid with him."

"You crazy woman." She whisper while staring at me upsetly.

"Well, if that will make you stop worrying me, it's worth to try." I shrug my shoulders, "I do this not because I have no choice, but because I want it. Think of me like that."

I said that to make her believe, but after I come back to my room, that sentences haunting me because I feel like those words become true day by day. Of course at first I decided to live her because I have no choice. I didn't found a place, so yeah. But recently, I feel like I belong here. I enjoy my role living here, cook for him and become a person he can talk to. I started to find a new meaning of life, a new meaning of myself. And eventhough it's not big, I found something to keep on living. I have something to look forward to. A reason to not leaving this world yet. Jae help me with that effortlessly.

But still.

Nayeon's visit is like a slap on my face too, to wake me up, reminds me that I am just nobody. Jae could stop being a nice guy anytime and like Nayeon said, do something bad to me. I claimed that I know Jae just because I live with him, but the truth is no one really knows. A little longer than a month knowing him can't be the only judgement for me to not be careful around him. I should keep thinking him as a stranger who happened to helping me. I need to cautious everytime.

And I indeed need a reminder that I should do something too about my life. Jae said just take my time and not thinking much about a place to stay, he said just focus on my mental treatment, but I can't be like that. I think Nayeon just made me realized too that I've been gone too long from my original life. I should come back one day and I need to be prepared. I can't be here forever, so I take a really deep breath then open my laptop.

Let's start with a new job. I need a stable income first to be financially stable again.

-  
 **-Jae's PoV-**

I'm so tired. Jet lagged and tired I need sleep so bad I miss my bed. I want to be home and see her. Oh, talking with her until I sleep sounds nice. Can I do that? Can I make her do that? Damn it's so strange. How Rianne affects my life is strange. I don't know since when but her presence feels good. I used to hate someone's presence that stay too long around me, I used to like my sollitude, but she just there around me. Maybe I force myself at first, but recently I found that I'm fine with her companion. I get used to her presence. I feel the lost when I far from her, like right now.

I want to call her, but then for what? Just to asking how she's doing at my house? That's not enough reason, right?

"Are you sure you want a catch the last flight? You need rest."

"On my own bed." I said with my eyes closed.

Wonpil doesn't reply again, focus on driving instead.

Everything go fast and smooth. One hour flight feels like a blink and I already landed at Gimpo airport. It's late, the airport is kind of quiet, me and Wonpil not talking that much. Our business proposal seems fruity. I hope. I want to go all the way by developing our own online selling system, but looks like Sungjin's team has different views, they believe to test the market with partnership selling first is the safe way. It will be another one on one battle with Sungjin. I need to find a good investor as soon as possible to distinguish this feeling of worry in me. I believe my strategy, I just need affirmation from an investor to ensure that my way is indeed approachable and possible.

"Have a good sleep, you can come a little late tomorrow, you need more sleep." Wonpil said.

"I'll text you."

"Send my hi to Rianne."

I frowning, "Why?"

"Just... as my gratitude to make you less stubborn and care more about your own company." Wonpil grin.

"What are you talking about?" I mumbled.

"You may not realized it, but you become less problematic than your usual self. This is the most peaceful business trip ever, you're not grumbling or whining that much, you're not picky with food, you focus on the work in full alert, it's all good. Made my work easier." He grin again.

"And you assume that because of her?"

"Of course, the only thing that change in your life is her presence. It brings positive good vibes on you. I like her. Can I have dinner or something at your house? You said she's a good cook."

"I think you need as much rest as me." I take off my seatbelt.

"Take a note at you're not doing your Thursday tradition anymore. It's been like... a month I think?"

I stop my self from open up the door. He's right, wow I'm amazed. "So I can live a life without all those girls. Proven."

"Right? Such a good character development." Wonpil close his eyes in a thankful manner, "You finally learn to sleep and stick only with one girl. To be commit to one."

"I'm not sleeping with her, though." Well, just once, but that happened before she live with me so I think that doesn't count in Wonpil's statement.

Wonpil laugh, "It will, then. And for the first time, I support it." He lift up both of his eyebrows but I just shooking my head, get off the car and walk inside the building without looking back.

Okay. I'm not denying that I want to do it again with her, damn god that night was marvelous. She's more than amazing. But that's because of alcohol, right? So this hopeful feeling to do it again with her sober is more like a curiousity what she's like when she completely sober. Will she as active as that night? As vocal? As crazy as that night? I'm sure she will taste as amazing, though.

Just like her lips.

I get inside my house welcomed by her sleeping in TV room. Her laptop still on, papers scattered on the coffee table, she sit on the carpet, both hands curling on the table, one side of her head on top of it. Her white shirt loose to her thigh, cover her short pants, hair loose too covering most of her face.

Oh, god.

Just after the thought of sleeping with her comes to my mind, she present me with this kind of view. Damn Wonpil for bring the topic up. I sigh.

I reach the remote, turn off the TV while peek at her laptop that showing many sites of job vacancies then to the job resume scattered on the table. She started looking for a job. I'm not against the idea but I think she shouldn't rush, I want her to focus on recovering first, to be mentally healed before battling this again.

But of course she won't listen. Maybe she's bored for not doing anything all day, she surely has to find something to do to focus on, I know. To distract herself for those bad thinking about how miserable her life is.

I'm proud of her, truly. It bring a smile on my face, watching her face sleep in peacefulness like that, just like that morning after our night together.

I sigh deep again and start to bring all the papers together, I close her laptop and move it to another side of table along with those papers. Then I do something I never think I will do in my life, I hold her up to bed. She open her eyes right before I walk her to her room, looking at me with furrowed eyebrow and those beautiful sleepy eyes.

"Hey,"

"What are you..." She moves a little but then realized there's nothing she can do, her legs are not in the ground, so she give up. "I can walk myself though."

"I didn't mean to wake you up..." I start to walk. She's light and just fit perfectly in my arms, I somehow move her closer to me and see her confused about what to do with her hands. I smile a little when she ended up put it on my shoulder and back.

She take a deep breath.

I look at her when we arrived in front of her door, "I'm about to get in your room, do I have your permission?"

"Or you can just put me down so I can walk by myself to bed."

I don't listen to her and open the door instead, walking straight to her bed. I putting her down slowly on her bed, feeling her hand on my shoulder getting away little by little and I feel the lost. I just about to grab the blanket to cover her when she lift up herself to sitting position.

"You said only two days." She said looking at me.

I sit too close to her this is really not healthy, I feel like to touch her again, "Miss me?"

"Something's gone wrong?"

"Just Wonpil got additional promising investor." I can't hold it anymore I touch her cheek, "Your face cold, why you sleep there..."

We're ended up staring. Staring at her feels so comfortable these days, feeling her eyes that stare back at me is surprisingly comfortable. No judge radiates from those eyes like other people used to gave me. I like staring at it.

"You look tired." She smile in the end.

I pout my lips and nod my head, close my eyes.

Surprise, surprise. I feel herself close to me then feel her wrapping her hands all over me, put me in her embrace.

Oh good lord.

I nudge myself to the embrace more, lean my head on her chest. She tapping my back softly, creating a slow comfortable rhythm. And I indeed feel comfortable.

"You've worked hard."

I mumble, closing my eyes more and start to breath steadily, drifting away.

"But it doesn't mean you can sleep here." She said softly and laugh.

"Feels so good." I laugh a little too.

-


	12. Chapter 12

"I can't believe we're really here." I said while my sight wondering to people with suits and dresses walking around this beautiful hall. Some of them talking and laughing with big happy smile on their faces. There are flowers everywhere, white mix with turquoise gowns all over the wall, there's an aisle in the center of the hall, and chairs placed neatly in left and right.

"Ready?" I feel Jae smiling beside me eventhough I'm not looking at him. He's enjoying this. This is practically his idea and he enjoy every minutes of it while I get more nervous as the time goes by.

I grip his arm and take a deep breath one last time before we finally walk inside looking for chair to sit to witnessing the sacred moment that will happen soon. I start to feel people's stares and mumbles and whispers when we're sitting on one of the chair on the right side of the hall. I see some familiar faces too, mostly Younghyun's friends who once he introduced to me. Some of them staring at me longer as they recognized me, but then turn their eyes to a man beside me, to Jae. Then the whispers got louder, others are gasping, not even try to hide it.

Jae closing his face to me to whisper in my ear, "Sungjin at 1 o'clock."

So I turn my head to the direction he meant and spot him, sitting side by side with Nayeon, who also staring at me, but with a shaking head left and right helplessly. Sungjin though, he's frowning his forehead so deep to show his confuseness and unbelievable look. Our eyes meet then he's mumbling something that sounds like, "What is this?" to me. His frowning got deeper.

I growl by myself.

"Breath, Rianne. Just like Jamie told you." Jae whisper to me again.

I growl deeper instead.

He laugh, "This is so much fun."

People's talking and conversations got silenced by the microphone's sounds. The MC's voice follow, greeting all the guests. Without much more chit chat he lead us to start the main event of today. The wedding. Everyone's cheering and clapping when both bride and groom stand by each other on the aisle. Younghyun looks handsome. He always looking so handsome with that classy-male-lead-romance-movie vibe on him. The addition of suit and styled hair make it a perfection. Young, handsome, and not mine.

I blink but not regret it at all. I still hate him with all my heart, there's no way that I can feel fully okay with what he did to me.

Everyone's hold their peace until the sacred ritual is done, followed by a happy clapping through the entire aula. People's smiling, drowning to the moment when they both kissing as the official husband and wife. I sigh without realizing it.

"To cheer you up, you're way prettier than her." Jae said quietly after the euphoria fades.

I smirk and laugh before we both stand up, just like all the guests, to congratulate them personally. I smile a genuine smile to Younghyun when our turn comes. He still give Jae disapproval look but can't do anything about it further, so he then smile and nodding his head.

"Be happy." I said to him, not to her. I swear I don't want to lay my eyes a little bit on her.

"You too, Rianne. Please be happy and don't ruin your life." Younghyun's said kind of loud for Jae to hear.

But Jae knows better about my life than him so he just smirking at it.

"My life ruined already." I talk to myself, walking away from them to let other guests congratulate them.

"Ruined your life and I'll put it back together." Jae reply it trying to sound nonchalant.

"Seriously though, sometimes people need to stop act like they knew someone inside out..." My grumble stops because Sungjin just stand right in front of me out of nowhere. I put away my hand on Jae's as an act of surprised. I see Nayeon not far from us, shrugging her shoulders up.

"I want to talk to her in private." Sungjin stare at Jae.

"You should ask her, then. I'll do whatever she wants." Jae smirking make Sungjin tilted his head.

"Rianne?"

"Excuse me for a moment, I'll be right back."

"Do the sign for help." He said before turn his body and walk to a table full of drinks while I frowning because I don't understand what he meant by the sign and why would I need help in the first place, I'm just gonna talk to Sungjin, why would I need help?

I see Nayeon approaching Jae from a corner of my eyes. Did they planning something though? Sungjin and Nayeon?

"So you're go out with him now or what?"

"Maybe... just for this occasion...? I don't know."

"Wow, Rianne. You're so much mystery these days."

"What do you mean?"

"I heard you're not working at that company anymore, then where do you work now? Seriously, you told me about the landlord ahjussi and how you lost money and a place to live, but you didn't tell me about your job? Then you diseappeared for like two months? Three months? before I picked you up at the hospital, that I didn't know the full story of why you ended up there either. But there's a bouquet of flower from him," Sungjin lift up his right hand and pointed at Jae who now talking with Nayeon with his eyes never leave me and Sungjin, staring in alert. "Then suddenly you said you found a safe place to live, together with someone who kind enough to help you. And now you showed up at your ex wedding party with him. As your partner. You must be close with him for attending a wedding invitation together as a partner. What? You going out with him now? Is he that 'someone' who kind enough to help you? You live with him now?"

I give him time to breath, to let it out everything. He seems to suppressed that questions all this time to not hurt my feelings but today, I don't see a reason why he should keep doing that.

"I feel like a useless friend right now. I don't even know my best friend anymore, you're too distant. You used to tell me everything. I feel unimportant to you right now. Am I not important to you?"

"It's not like that, you know it. And I think this is not the right time for talking about it, Sungjin."

"Again." He stare at me scarily. He is mad. "You avoid it again. When will we talk about it, exactly?"

I touch my forehead, then the strand of hair around my eyes, "Soon, I promise."

"Rianne," he sigh. "How do you know him? Park Jaehyung right there, how did you two met?" He stare deep into my eyes, throw a perfect question, a start that can lead to everything he curious about.

And the answer to that question is not something I want to tell him in this kind of atmosphere. If I tell him Jae kissed me the first time we met, will he mad? What will he react to it?

"I'll tell you everything, but not here."

He sigh again, upset. He touch his face then hair, take a deep long breath again, "Just answer this one question then, do you live together with him? All this time?"

I gulp down and looking down, "Yes." I brave myself and looking him in the eye.

He smirking, tilted his head to the side staring at the ceiling for a full second, he trying to make sense of this situation.

"He just want to help."

"You don't know who he is."

"So are you."

He look at me in disbelieve, can't believe I can argue his words like that, "Then what? You sold yourself to him for that? You slept with him?"

"Look, I don't want to argue here. He did nothing wrong to me, that's what you have to know. I have enough of people telling me he's a bad guy."

"He is a bad guy!" He cut my words.

I nod, "But he didn't do anything bad to me, he let me do what I want to do. He saved me. I've been in a dark place but he brought me out to be brave to face the world again."

"What dark place? What happened to you exactly?"

"Later, Sungjin. Please, I'll tell you all you want to know later, not here." I pleaded, "And you need to know that he's not like what people might think of him. And no, I'm not sleeping with him."

He take a deep breath again with a closing eyes. "I'll set the time and place, don't avoid me again."

"I promise. Now have fun to the rest of the party with Nayeon."

"God damn Rianne I hate you when you being like this." I bite my bottom lips before he leave me to approach Nayeon, who is waiting for him beside Jae.

I notice Sungjin give a glare at Jae before grab Nayeon's hand and walk to the opposite side of this hall. My gaze meet Jae's. His expression is unreadable for a while, but then he smile very soft and gentle to me. I feel butterflies on my stomach, oh god. He looks so fine and handsome and perfect. He's a perfect man every girls can dream about. It makes me so nervous when that realization hit me. I keep defending him in front of my friends, I cherish our time spent together, I look forward for our next encounter. This is dangerous.

He walking to me, still with the same smile paste on his lips, never break our staring. I gets more nervous.

"Bet you got scolded again because of me." He said soft, quiet. His voice contain something but he clearly trying to cover it.

What? What did he and Nayeon talked about? They are both heirs, I'm not surprise if Jae knows Nayeon, and from what Nayeon said about Jae to me the other day, that girl surely knew Jae and his track record.

"Are you close with Nayeon?"

"Why? You jealous?" He smirking then smile wider. But after looking me stiff without changing my expression he say, "You're the closest person. You live with me."

I blink, "Right, I'm the one who live with you, I know a litle bit more about you than any other people here."

He smile in relieve finally, "For sure." He step forward and open his right palm, "So shall we just dance?"

"I can't really dance..." My eyes blink rapidly.

He laugh, "Compared to what you did at Younghyun's party back then, this is nothing, though." I glare at him and he laugh harder, "Come on, I teach you, it's simple, just follow my steps, you don't need to do anything." He grab my hand and pull me to him, hugging my waist right away.

Our eyes meet again and although it happened so often already, the butterflies I felt around my stomach is real.

"Your other hand here," he put my right hand on his shoulders, "Follow my footsteps to the right, left, right, good." He smiles, "That's it. Very simple." He grab my waist harder, press it for me to feel it intentionally.

I guess. Because I don't know. I feel so nervous.

We dance in silence for awhile, eyes still on each other like there's nothing can break it free from each other, not even the whispers and people's staring.

"What did Nayeon say?" I brave myself to talk about it or else, I don't have any chance to bring it up again.

"To stop what I'm doing to you." His eyes radiating honesty.

"You're not doing anything to me."

He smile, "Right? She doesn't know because she doesn't live with me. Like you said, you're the one who live with me." He pull me closer now our bodies touch everytime we move, "Am I threatening you, Rianne?"

"Of course not." I smile.

"Am I still freaking you out, like what you felt that night when we first met?"

"No, Jae. Not anymore, even a little bit." I look at him assuringly, "They labeled you just from people talks, that's not fair. They are so mean, they don't know you a little bit."

He blink and stop moving, "But they're right. Before I met you, I am what they say. It's true. I guess that's why your friends are worried looking you close to me. Let alone found out you live with me. Before I met you, I messed up. Evil."

"But you're not like that with me. You saved me, help me. I thank God everyday because of that."

His eyes...

God my heart beats so fast because of those eyes that staring at me so deep right now.

"People are watching us. There are your friends, my friends, people who know me and people who know you, your ex and his cheating girl," he laugh a little, "How about giving them one last punch of our revenge show?"

I smile, "Sounds cool."

Then I received it, his kiss. Not like our kiss before where I froze dumbfounded at first, this kiss is hot from the start, right away, because I'm very much aware of it when it happened. And I prepared for it, anticipating it.

He broke the kiss fast to say, "I lied about last punch, I just want to kiss you." He put both of his hands on my head, staring at me to get another permission for another kiss.

I grip his waist with both of my hands, moving even closer to him and tilted my head. I tip my toes to reach his lips. I'm the one who kiss him this time, simply because I filled with this overflowing feeling for him. My heart beats rapidly and my knees feel kind of numb when he deepened the kiss. He touch my head and kiss me more, swipe his thumb on my cheek every once in a while. I like that little act of him.

I want to stop the time. Like... for good.  
-


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of... smut...

"You knew all about this?" Sungjin's voice rise looking at Nayeon in disbelieve after I told him what happened to me. All of it.

"And she made me silent about it, said she will tell you herself." Nayeon turn her head to me, "But you didn't say you'd come to the wedding with him!"

"It was his idea."

"So you two are in a relationship or what?" Nayeon asked blatantly.

"No, we're not. He was just... um... to help me getting over Younghyun, he suggested that idea... to show people that I'm over Younghyun..."

There's a mere silence before Nayeon respon softly, "Well, that was such a good idea to be honest."

"What?! You on her side?"

"Well, I mean... girls need that, okay? After being hurt, it's important for us to feel okay again. And what he did surely brings back her confidence, right Rianne?"

I open both of my hands on the table, "True."

"What?!" Sungjin's can't believe what he heard.

"But you two not dating? Really? So the kiss also just an act?" Nayeon is good at digging things, really. "It was fire though, more than the bride and groom kisses."

That, I'm not so sure too. Was that just an act? But he said it wasn't about the last punch or whatever, he said he wanted to kiss me. Is that mean he showing his real feelings? Should I confirming that?

"It's start to messing up, isn't it?" Nayeon brings me back to current state. "I never believed when you said you just his housemates. Grown up man and woman living together under the same roof? No way they're not feeling anything. Okay, sure at first there's nothing, but eventually... phew. Mind blowing things happened as you get to know each other in so much personal way."

Sungjin scanning her girl while I furrowed my eyebrows, "We're supposed to ban this living together thing, aren't we?"

"Oh come on babe, I already scolded her back then, I want us to face the truth and the real problems ahead."

"There are no problems ahead, though."

"Of course there are. Your growing feelings for him slowly turn into careness and love."

"I don't see it as problem." I laugh a little.

"Oh, so you already accept it?"

I don't answer to that question, and our talk shift to Sungjin's old advice.

"You're a grown up Rianne, I'm sure you know what you're doing. I just worried, as always. I always worried about you. Look what you've done. I'm scared that you'll take the blame on yourself if something bad happen again."

"And do another suicide attempt." Nayeon whisper adding Sungjin's words.

"I'm under treatment."

"Doesn't mean you can be reckless and not careful."

"But Jae is the one who makes me do a treatment, he's the least person who will make me do another suicide attempt."

"Well, I really hope it's like that."

Nayeon nodding, "It's escalated rather peacefully, though. I thought you both will at least scream at each other." She's smile happily.

"Just move in to my place, Rianne. Nayeon's fine with that." I see Nayeon's lips pouting silently hearing that statement from Sungjin. Her expression change very quickly.

"But I'm fine too living with him."

"Well, I'm not. I'm worried."

"I just want to do what I want to do. I have enough with people telling me what's best for me, now I want to do what I want." I see Sungjin's eyes, "And I still want to live there."

"But why? The reason you live there back then was because you have no choice. Now you have. Move in to my place, I'll find a new place for you in a month, you can borrow my money for the rent until you have a new job. Detach yourself from him."

"But why should she?" Nayeon voicing out my question so I nodding my head.

"Because he's bad. I thought we're all agree on that."

"Well... actually I don't know. I talked to Jae too at the wedding, you know? And I can feel his honesty. He sincerely just want to help Rianne."

Oh my god, thank you Nayeon. "But what you told him that day, though? He was upset by your words after that."

"He was upset?"

"Implicitly. I notice his expression's change."

"Well, I didn't say much. Just like what people kept saying to him, that he's bad of a man who shouldn't ruin some good girl's life."

Jae felt upset hearing it, I sure enough. That's why he made sure to me if he still freak me out. "He always ask me how I feel. He consider my feelings and preference. He want me to be me again, after I lost it by trying to end my own life. He tried to bring again a hope that once left me, makes me find a reason to keep on living. To wanting to live again." I take a deep breath, "Honestly I tried to jump again that night at Younghyun's party, that's when I disappeared from the dance floor." I'm not gonna mention about me and Jae one night stand act, no. "And Jae was there again, unintentionally. So... I guess that's what made him decided to... offered me a help..."

"God, Rianne. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was ashamed, okay." Oh my god I feel like crying again.

And cry I am, in Sungjin's arm after a long time. Nayeon sighing deep many times but respect my conditions so she doesn't say anything. She still there as her way of support, and for the first time since I know her, I feel thankful to her.

I freeze the moment I came inside, found Jae sitting across a woman in a really sexy dress, it's midday though, but her outfit is already scream midnight. She was glaring angrily at Jae but when the door close and she spotted me, she smirking at me.

"Is it you? The one people keep talking about? You're the one at the wedding party last week?"

I'm frowning my forehead.

"It was just an act, right? No matter I try to make myself understand, looking at you right now really not registering you as Jae's girlfriend. You're not that type, too plan." She scanning me rudely, still with those smirk on her. "I'm sure what happened that day was just an act, Jae did it pretty often, you know. To getaway from some 'situations'. He might just want to help you, you shouldn't get your hope too high for him. He'll be back to his usual self, he'll be out again at Thursday just like he always did."

"Don't listen to her, Rianne." Jae said but I already bite my lips.

Why I feel triggered hearing it though? Jae isn't mine, he can do whatever he want to do. He can go out every Thursday like he always did, why should I feel mad hearing that? We're just housemates.

"You should leave, you being rude at my house. Where did you get my address again?"

"I miss you, Jae. You know we all miss you on Thursday. Come again soon, let's have fun again like we usually do, hm?"

Jae grimmace.

But Jae kissed me at the wedding, and I felt it, the kiss contain more than just an act. Right? Why am I not sure at myself though? Most importantly, why I hope the kiss wasn't just an act? It was indeed an act. The whole scene of us there at the wedding was indeed an act. I am just his housemates.

"I told you I'm not planning to go there again in the near future."

"Why?" She's whining. "Is that because of her?" I see Jae blinking his eyes nervously, he just about to answer her question but she cut his words right away intentionally, doesn't really want to hear his answer, "She's clearly not your type. Why she know this house key though?"

"Because he's mine." I said makes all eyes darted on me. "He's mine so I should know everything about him, even his house key." I glare at her.

Wait, what?

But I see Jae smiling liking this.

"Jae, A, B, C, D?" Confidence and braveness filling me. Not that type? Too plan? I think she might need a little show.

Jae smiling wide before answer, "Big D."

"What are you both talking about?"

But we don't answer her curiousity with words, I walk to him instead, put down my sling bag on the floor very casually, in a relax way. Jae's eyes never leave me, anticipating with smile. I go to him without stopping, until I'm right in front of him, staring at him who still sit waiting, his head lifted up to me, demanding. I cup his head in both of my hands and give it to him, the kiss.

D, passionate kiss on the lips all the way.

Jae already waiting for it so he kiss me too passionately and I heard the woman behind me hissing and gasping. Jae grip my waist and push me down until I sit on his lap as we deepened the kiss, hungry for each other lips already. Hungry for more. I want more. Whatever it is, if it just an act or whatever, I want to do it properly. I want to pour my feelings to him, I want to feel him completely too. I move my hands on his neck, circling it to hug him to me. Our head tilting, lips are moving eagerly. Sucking deeply until it makes noises. Loud.

I hear that woman's voice in distant, I think she's cursing at us. At me, mostly. But then I feel Jae's palm on each of my ears, covering it. Preventing me hearing those bad words coming from her, lips are still sucking each other eagerly.

The sound of door closing should be our clue to stop, because it means that woman has left. But we're not stopping. Well I don't want to stop yet. This feels so good, I can feel blood rushing to every corner of my body. It's electrifying, intoxicating. Addicting. Kissing him is addicting.

We pulled off to catch a breath and he quick to ask, "You were crying?"

My eyes must be swollen, "Sungjin made me cry." I'm whining. Oh my god what was that? Why did I whining to him out of the blue? Is that woman affects me? Bring out the possessiveness from me? "But I'm fine, we're good."

Jae give me a peck, "I scolded him back tomorrow."

I smile and kiss him again.

But he stop it, "It wasn't an act." We're staring, "The kiss at the wedding wasn't just an act."

Again, that butterflies on my stomach again. "Then this is also not an act." I touch his skin around his neck, feeling it on my fingers.

We kissing again I started to feel dizzy because the kiss become hotter fast. The sucking become more urgent, lustful. I moan to the kiss, breathing hard. He grip my waist tighter hearing it, move his lips to my chin, my cheek, until it landed on my neck, sucking it softly at first. But it escalated so quickly, I tilted my head more to give him access, grip his hair somehow, moan louder and I think I grinding to him. When he bite my neck I arched my back surprised, gasping hard.

He then look at me and without saying anything he hold me bridal style and walking fast to his room. He put me down so slowly, just like that night he moved me when I fell asleep in TV room. He straddle on top of me and kiss my forehead, his hand grip my body again as his kiss move down my face, landed on my lips. We kissing lustfully again, now it involves tounges. His tounge come inside my mouth and play with mine.

I'm going crazy, dear god I'm insane. Was that night felt like this too? Hot and crazy like this? We're not even on the main course but it already makes me breathless like this, in the middle of the day. I moan loud when he bite the skin around my throat again.

But then he stop, breathing hard on my neck, I feel his back moving up and down. Blood still rushing on me, breathing hard as well.

Jae then looking at me close, he gulping, "I want to make it right." He said very quietly, radiating honest, "I want to make it right for you. I don't want to make you be like any of those girls, that's why I'm holding back all this time. But now you're just..." He take a deep breath, close his eyes and lick his lips, "Rianne, I swear I want to make it right this time. I won't do it if you don't want it." He open his eyes and staring at me underneath him.

Well... I kind of want it now...

I'm insane.

I lift up my body then, makes him sit too. My fingers start to unbotton my own shirt while my eyes still on him, "Stop talking, then." I said in whisper before peck his lips.

I take off my shirt then toss it to the floor, surprised Jae for awhile, he looking at my upper body only covered in black bra. I put both of my hands on his neck and start to kissing him again.

I must lost my mind.  
-

  
**-Jae's PoV-**

This feels even more insane than that night. She's sober and in full consent, giving in to me without restrain. The moment she tossed away her shirt, I lost myself already. I finally meet that silky milky white body of her again, I finally can touch it again. Dizzying.

Doing it with her is different than any other. I had sex many times but never had once I feel like this, like it's not just involves two body being connected, but more than that. I feel loved. Is this what they called making love? Because not only I want this to last, I want this to be remembered too. I want to remember it and most importantly I want her to remember it.

I want to remember how she whimper beneath me, her back that facing me while my thrust get faster by the seconds. I want to remember her moan, how she grip the sheet, my bed sheet, when I grinding hard on her. How she turn her head to look at me in the middle of all that just to give me those satisfying smile, to tell me that she feels good with her eyes. I want to remember the feel of her soft skin on her back when she finally give in and come hard, laying on her stomach not moving while catching her breath, I want to remember how I kiss her back slowly and turn her to face me. She close her eyes laying on her back, her chest moving up and down in steady rhythm. I want to remember how she open her eyes again surprised because I fill her up again to chase my release, she whimper hard again but grip my hair and matching our movement again. How her breast bouncing everytime I thrust, hard. Feeling how hard they are on my palm.

I want to remember it all. Her second orgasm. With me following not long after. It's all so electrifying, makes me weak on my knees. I'm breathing hard too on her neck. I feel her core pulsating, covering me so good, so warm. Our bodies connected, our skin touch in sweat. Amazing. Words can't describe it, really. So I kiss her, feeling thankful. Satisfied covering me, I feel so light like I'm flying.

When we lay to each other and cuddling after, it feels unreal. The feeling of love that consuming me feels unreal. I fall in love.

I love her.

She lift up her head and we're staring, without a word we kiss. Lightly because we start to feel sleepy.

"Why don't you go doing your Thursday thing again?" She asked in sleepy voice.

"I don't feel like it. Not that exciting anymore." I said on the side of her forehead, my lips still linger there, not wanting to move. My arms still circling her body, touch her skin one at a time, sending a little shiver down her spine.

"You didn't sleep with anyone since I live here...?"

"Hm, such a record." I smile.

"Why? I mean, for a person who routinely having sex, isn't that... painful?"

"I'm not a sex addict, Rianne. I can control my own sexual needs." She look at me, "It's you who not helping." I peck her lips.

She smiling too, "It was amazing. I understand now why they keep coming back to you."

"On the contrary, I never really feel like coming back to them, but I surely want to do it again and again with you." We kiss one last time before I tell her to sleep because she looks so damn sleepy.

She nudge herself to me and I hug her more, feeling her breath become steady in slow rhythm. Feel like I want to stop the time, like this embracing her.  
-

  
I see his wide back, pulling me to him. Walking to him without I really realized it then I put my forehead on it.

"Hey Rianne, good morning."

I circling my hands around him, hug him, press my body to his back, I'm breathing slowly still with my forehead on his back, eyes closed. I still kind of sleepy but found him not on the bed when I open my eyes makes me a little anxious so I got up looking for him.

I stay still in that position for awhile, in silence, his hands still moving here and there awkwardly doing something. This feels so comfortable I don't want to move. He feels so nice and fluffy makes me want to curl up around him like a burritos. But we can't because he's gotta go to work and life must go on. So I snap myself and open my eyes, peeking at what he's been doing from the side of his arm.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to make coffee like you always make."

"Fill it until full, then press it. Harder." I said softly and he follow my instruction.

He press the power on the machine then move me to standing in front of him, makes me lean on the counter. He lean on too by his palms on the counter, make his height similar like me, hugging me because of the position just let him do that effortlessly. He just staring at me. Long, deep, and radiating love. Makes me nervous all of the sudden so I blinking my eyes.

"Omelette or bokkeumbap? 1, 2, 3!"

"You."

I smile and receive his kiss.

"Omelette." He hold my face to kiss me deep.

"Aren't we kissing too much?"

"Should we stop?"

My head shaking, my lips smiling, and we kissing one more time before I prepare his breakfast.

"Rianne?"

"Hm?" I mumble without looking at him, still immersed at the omelette on the pan.

"Rianne."

I finally turn my head to him.

"Song Rianne."

I laugh, "What?"

"You have beautiful name."

Oh I know how today will be going. Looks like I'm going to space out many times drowning in the thought of what we did.

"I saw your laptop the other day. You started looking for a job?"

I sit, omelette's ready, "I'm not living here forever, am I?"

He focus on his food, "You can do it slowly, though." He mumbled by himself.

"I am..." I reply and start eating too.

"So, any feedback?"

I shaking my head, "Not yet. Guess I'll still be at ahjumma's flower shop for awhile."

"It's not bad, isn't it?"

"Of course not, I just need more stable income, stable financial, to get a new place."

"You can live here as long as you want."

I smile, "Really? Is that okay with you?"

He slowing his chewing, thinking.

I somehow aware of his issue. I'm not asking Jamie yet, but I guess Jae has some issue with commitment, or accompanion. He loves his sollitude so much that he think he capable to do everything by himself. Well, not that it's untrue, he indeed a capable man to do that with all his money and family background, but he needs someone. Every single soul in this planet needs someone at a certain moment, no matter how capable they are being in sollitude. And I'm pretty sure Jae needs someone too. But the problem is he get bored easily, he tend to push people after some times. He feel drained if he spending time with someone 24/7. At least that's what I got after observing a little about his life, of course I need to ask Jamie if my guess is right.

If it's true though, I don't want to push him. If he ready to be with someone for a long time, then I'll consider to be here for a long time too. But until he sure about it, I should be prepared, shouldn't I? He might get bored at me anytime, and if that happen without me being prepare for it, I think I will crumble and broken once again. Thinking about all of his support is gone... I'll be back to square one again, then. Maybe I'll end up at that night again, ready to jump from the top of building.

So I should be prepare. God I'm such a burden.

"You don't have to answer that, I'm just..."

But he staring at me, still thinking.

"Eat, Jae. You'll be late to work."

He blink and breathing deep, back to eating without saying anything. So I thought we over that topic already, but when I sending him off to work he say, "I don't know if I can live with someone for a long time, I don't know if I'm ready to try. But I still like your companion, so you don't need to hurry to get out of here."

I hold the door to keep listen to him, I lean my head on it smiling. "Okay."

"I'll give a sign if I feel like it started... you know... to not working for me..."

So I really need to prepare, right?

"Sure."

He nod his head then turn around, walking fast for like 5 steps but then stop. I see he sighing before turn himself again to me, he look at me with determined eyes while approaching me. He give one deep kiss and I'm smiling the whole time, gripping the door for not stumbling down.

"Let's eat dinner together, wait for me." He said with smile.

I nod my head excitingly. Once again anticipating it, looking forward to it.

-


	14. Chapter 14

"Tell me what's the occasion again?" I check myself once again from the rearview mirror. I am nervous.

"Nothing special, just dinner with my family. My grandpa finally discharged from hospital, so they want a little celebration, to make him feel at home again."

"Why your mom want me to come, though?"

"Because she doesn't want you to be alone when I go? I don't know." He laugh.

"It's a family occasion."

"It's not that formal, just dinner. I got you, don't worries."

But worry I am, well I'm a worried kind of person to begin with. Besides, it's his family, Jae's family. Not like any common family, it's an old-money-rich family. Who am I to be on the same table as them?

My nervousness increase rapidly when I see his house. I mean, you need a full minute ride on car from the main gate to the house entrance, circling a massive yard full of flowers and trees. The house entrance is huge with white giant door that open up to the sides, servants bowing on both sides making a way for us as we come inside. And you know how the rest of the house is. It's that massive, every castle' description is fitted to this house. It's more like a mansion than a house, but what I notice the most is how sparkling everything is. From the floor to the ceiling, everything sparkle, like there's not even a speck of dust allowed to attached on it.

It makes me nervous to death. What am I doing here? I should be honest that I feel out of place even with this dress Jae chose for me specially for this occasion.

"Mom?!" Jae screamed but one of the servant answer him instead, "Still in the kitchen."

Jae nod to that servant then walking inside, I follow him behind, amazed at everything we pass by until we arrived at the kitchen, which even more magnifying. It's like kitchen for a 5 stars restaurant, I see at least 2 chef going around checking everything on the stove the staff been cooking.

My goodness, no wonder his mom never cook again after they moved here. There's no reason for her to doing that.

"Oh, you come!" I heard Jae's mom voice so I turn around, she walking to us with a really big smile plastered on her face.

Jae hug her, asking this and that quickly before she closing in to me. She hug and caress my back, an act that still foreign to me because I never received this kind of act from a mother's figure in my life. Not even once, not even Fei's mom whom I close with.

"You come very beautifully, how are you?"

"I'm good, never better, thank you. You look even more beautiful, eomoni."

"I need to depend on these cosmetic products now, unlike you." She smile and touch my stray hair softly, looking at me with what is that? Proud? Why she looks proud of me? "How's the patbingsu you ate the other day?" She whisper trying to make Jae not hear it.

"I still can hear it, mom."

"Sweet." I answered her with a smile remembering the taste of the patbingsu that day.

"Fortunately." She got even more exciting. "Wait a minute while I arrange the table, okay? Dinner's ready."

"You want some help?"

"Omo, you want to help?"

"If you okay with that..."

"I'll be thankful. Come on come here." She grab my hand and drag me to come inside the kitchen more, "Everything's here already we just have to arrange it a little to the table. Let's go with this first," she instructud a servant to push the cart, "Bring the other food when I give you guys a cue."

"Yes, ma'am."

What she meant about arranging the table is looking at her servants doing it, me and her is practically just inspect everything, change the place of some utensils that seems out of place. It's an order from a table manner course I once taking. Never thought I got to use that knowledge here, so I thank Sungjin silently that he forced me to learn all about this back then.

Jae come again from I don't know where he'd been gone, this time together with a middle aged man who I assumed to be his dad. I'm right, his mom introduced us right away. Jae's dad is one stiff unbothered man, guess Jae's unbotherness is come straight from him. He just smile and nodded his head without much more question after I greet him, then we all proceed to sit. They asking each other, updating with what their doing for awhile until an elderly in wheelchair come inside.

They all stand up so I follow, Jae's mom smiling and greeting him in a really bright tone, Jae's dad greet him with a deep tone of respect, while Jae saying, "Had fun at the hospital, haraboji?"

"You must be miss me at office. I heard your crazy idea to build up some online selling system..." He reply Jae's greeting calmly, his voice soft but the stare is not soft at all. It's intimidating.

"We're still studying it, abonim." Jae's dad respon to it.

"Alright, enough with work, boys. Let's emphasize the fact that for the first time ever, I'm not the only women here, shall we?" Jae's mom shift everyone's attention at me.

I look down my face right away, but when I feel Jae's haraboji eyeing me, I brace myself to look at him and smile, introducing myself to him.

"Jae's sweetheart, appa." Jae's mom whisper to him excitingly.

"I'm not... really his sweetheart, though..." I peeking at Jae.

"But she's sweet, indeed." Jae said with no intention to make it clear of what he meant a little bit.

"Finally you bring someone here, does it mean you quit playing?" His grandpa look at him with unbothered stance again.

I got a feeling that whoever girl Jae bring to this house, everyone will accept her without much complain, because the fact he brought a girl alone is that unusual for them. His reputation is really that famous, I must be live at a cave all this time to not knowing that. And honestly, they seems like don't give a damn care about Jae's girl or something like that, they just want him to stop playing and be more responsible with his reputation as this family's one and only heir. Jae's future wife surely is so damn lucky I envy her already.

"That's not his real issue, appa. I told you already." His mom sounds intimidating for awhile but then turn bright again, "Shall we start eating?"

"Where's the wine? I want to sip some wine first."

"You just discharged, appa."

"It's okay, I can come back there anytime."

I peek at Jae's mom that sighing annoyingly.

"I'll get that. I still remember haraboji's favorite wine." Jae stand up and I curse at myself alone. What is he thinking leaving me here alone, though?

I eying him nervously, what about his saying before? I got your back? Is that how he got my back? He betrayed me like this? Leaving me in an awkward atmosphere like this?

"He always do whatever he want without deep thinking. What's with building up a new system? It's the first time, we should just rent it first instead. What exactly did you do at office until he can proposed that idea to the board already?"

"We still on a study about it, abonim. We compared both of the ideas."

"I read Sungjin's report too, it's clear that renting is the best way. What's he doing just a waste of time. We could do something important instead with that much cost."

"Appa, please. This is not the right time to talk about that."

"Then when is the right time? He never home."

"You can discuss it at office."

"There's so many people at office, yeobo."

Jae's mom sigh, "Not you too. This is the first time in a while we gather like this, can we just enjoy our dinner together? Without really minding about work?"

"I'll ask her then, what do you think of him honestly?" His grandpa look at me.

Why he ask me? Is my point of view of him matters for them?

I blinking nervously, "I'm... not so sure too, I just know him for like... 2 months..."

They all staring at me.

"But he surely doing his work earnestly. He sacrificed his sleep and eating time to get his job done. He seems to think about every moves and decisions he made very thoroughly. I... guess what he decided is a result from a serious thoughts and calculations... isn't it?"

Don't know why but everyone gets silence.

"Wouldn't it better if we give him a chance first? I mean... If he should compete with another ideas, let it be a... fair competition between all those ideas? I think? I don't really understand it, but..." I blink nervously again while his mom smiling at me with those proud expression again.

I feel Jae's presence around me, he put down a bottle of wine in the middle of this table then say to his grandpa, "I still going to do what I want, haraboji. I'm not quitting at anything just because I brought her here." He stare at him very intimidatingly one last time before saying, "I'm full already, excuse me." Then walking out from here.

Huh? What?

What about me then?

I look at him and everyone else back and forth, confused. And no one says anything, no one even have intention to stop him from leaving, it's like they've been so used to this kind of atmosphere. So used to his tantrum. So I excuse myself too in the end, and follow him, kind of running because he walks so fast it's hard for me to keep up.

"Jae? Wait..."

But he's not stopping, not even slowing down. What is happening?

"Jae?!" I speak louder and that's when he finally stop, his shoulders up and down once in a deep sigh.

He turn around to face me, "Don't defend me. Don't speak on my behalf like that, Rianne." He stare at me. His eyes radiating anger, or upset? "Just because you live with me and know a little more about myself than any other people, doesn't mean you can defend me like that in front of my family! You have no rights and I don't need that! I am what he think of me, I am that person, and it has nothing to do with you. Don't try to interfere my family thing! There's a border Rianne, don't cross."

I freeze.

I just freeze in confuse while he stepping away from me, leaving me just like that.

What's happening? What is this?

I said something wrong?

If he don't want me to cross that border, he shouldn't brought me here in the first place, doesn't he? Now why he act like this really? Oh my god I feel so bad and mad. I feel wrongly accused.

A tap on my shoulder brings me back to current world, "Let him alone for awhile. Let's get inside and continue dinner. A day or two will do him better."

What she means by a day or two? What about me, then?

  
And I don't understand the situation that follow. Jae got upset, don't really sure about my action or his grandpa's words, but his mom is still so relax like this. She's not calling him or whatever, she still let us all finish dinner in calm atmosphere, bring me to Jae's room instead afterwards, and talking about his childhood like what just happened is not a big deal for her, or any other this family member. While I being confused all alone wondering what is he doing right now with empty stomach. Did he stop by the restaurant or something? Why he upset, though? Did I really say something wrong? Is it really my fault? Fully?

I can't hold it anymore so I just blurted it out, "Did this happened often?"

She just smile, "He will looking for you after a while. When it happened, we learn to just give him some time, he will back to his usual self after some time, it's just like his way to throw away his upset feeling."

"He pushing people away..."

She nod her head, "That's what Jamie concern about too. That's why I kept trying to make him see someone. There's not many who can stay long around him, Wonpil is surely exceptional. He... really tend to push people after some time. He doesn't like someone interfering his own space. That's some kind of... issue, if it's not problem, about him." She turn at me, "That's why when I found you at his place I feel so happy, Rianne. Seems like he finally try to let someone step inside his space."

"Well, but now he pushed me too..."

She's sighing, "I guess it's really not an easy change for him. Jamie warned me too, that this is not something we can push or force him to do, it must come from himself, but it surely not an easy task because all this time he always thinking that he's fine on his own."

Suddenly his words at the mart played in my mind. About how hard it is to make him wanting someone near him because he get bored so easily.

"But letting you live with him, and even brought you here... I think it's a really impressive start, Rianne. I still seeing hope." She smiling excitedly at me, "I saw how he look at you."

I saw that too? Matter of factly, if I'm not just delutional, of course.

And the fact that he confessed what he feels before we did another sex... how he said he want to make it right this time. Is that what he meant? If that's really the case, I shouldn't just give up like this. Right?

A sudden braveness filling me as I come to realization.

"Eomoni..." We're staring, "I think I need to go to him right now."

She tilted her head.

"I want to try. Whatever results that might happen, I think I need to try first." I am nervous again, my adrenaline feels like rushing through every cells on my body.

She just smile, "Let me drive you."

-


	15. Chapter 15

**-Jae's PoV-**

Stupid.

That's the only word to describe what I just did. I told Rianne about not to be ashamed in front of me, but I did ashamed in front of her. I still don't want her to know how my family look at me, how they looking down on me, how I disappoint them in many ways. How I failed as their child. I still not ready for her to see that side of me. I'd rather be seen as a bad guy who has everything in my hands, at least like that I feel like I'm powerful. Feared.

Now I feel weak.

I don't want to look weak, especially in front of her. So that's why you pushed her aside? I asked myself. You don't want to look weak so you force her to stay out of the border? You said you want to make it right this time, though?

I sigh at that self-debate.

Why am I like this? Why there's no one I can comfortably show my vulnerable side? Rianne sure is the first person who saw me like that, witnessed that heirs are really has that kind of problems inside. What she saw on movies or dramas are not completely lie, we're indeed one complicated family with many complicated problems inside. Shiny and fancy things people see on us on the outside is just a cover. Every one of us might broken inside.

Money can't really buy a true happiness.

And my problems of pushing people might need a treatment too. I never got bothered like this because of that issue before, I used to not minding it at all, because I feel like I still doing fine with myself alone. But after screamed and pushed Rianne like that, I feel... lost. I feel like I will lost her after that, and that's when realization hit me, I really should do something about this issue of pushing people. Is she scared of me again?

Will she leave me because of that?

I cursed alone because the thought of her leaving this house somehow terrified me. I think I still like her companion here. I want to be with her for a little bit longer and if she should move out, I want it to be in a good situation between us, not like this. Should I apologize?

Yes, of course.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes but not long after I heard my door being knocked. But I stay in place. She call my name but I still not moving, not sure why. Maybe I still need that courage to face her, I don't know. I'm tired, I'll apologize later let me sleep for awhile, maybe? I'm still too ashamed and don't have confidence to face her. I still feel weak now.

I hear a click of the door handle then a thud sound of door closed. I bet she's walking slowly to my bed right now. I thought she's gonna standing in front of my face who is now laying on the side, but I feel her weight on me instead. She wrap herself on my back and put her chin on top of my right shoulder.

My goodness.

"You really sleep?"

But I don't answer, still closing my eyes, curious about what she going to do.

"Sorry... for crossing the line..."

I open up my eyes then, feeling some kind of fluttering on my chest, or stomach, I don't know but it feels weird.

"I didn't meant to, Jae. I'm sorry if I..."

"No, I'm sorry." I cut her words. "I'm sorry for screaming at you. I shouldn't have done that, I'm upset and released it all on you. I'm so ashamed of myself, I don't want you to look at me like that."

"Like what?" She's whining.

"Like my grandpa look at me, saying things about me. Useless, weak, careless."

"Your grandpa isn't live here with you, just like any of those people who labeled you. I might not know exactly about that one side of yours, but I'm sure enough you're not like what your grandpa thought you are. Useless? You're far from that." She chuckled softly, "Your company will gone bankrupt already if you really useless."

I move to laying on my back, make her sit and look at me. "Right?"

"Of course. The fact that your company still running and making profit... you're a genius hard worker."

I look at her, "I screamed and pushed you."

"Say you don't mean it and I'll forgive you."

"I'm sorry, I really don't mean it, I got ups..." She cut my words with a kiss, deep but quick. "...set and ashamed of myself..." She kiss me quick again.

And I lost control of myself. I cup her head and kiss her senseless. She put her head on my chest afterwards, feeling my chest moving up and down, breathing hard because of the kiss. I put my hand on her neck, stroking it in slow rhythm.

"Rianne?"

"Hm?" She look at me with chin still paste on my moving chest.

"I kind of hungry."

She smiles, "No wonder, you left even before start eating."

"Ramyeon sounds appetizing."

She giggles, "Okay~" she kiss my lips in a quick smooch one last time before get up from bed, leaving me breathless, still.

My insanity has left me, apparently. She's so good, stirring something in me real good. It feels strange and new but also makes me curious about how it will end, how it lead me. One more step to let someone stay in my life. Jamie or my mom will be so proud of me if they know this.

Rianne cook in silence and I savoring the sight of her back. Even her back is beautiful.

When she finally done, he move the pot to the table, looking at me smiling with her fingers grip the lid, "Ready?"

I grab chopsticks, "Let's go."

She count to three then open the lid with cheering, steam filling the air right away, and a very delicious smell invasing my nose. Now I grab a bowl and start to move the ramyeon from the pot into the bowl, blowing hard before slurping it inside my mouth.

Maybe it's because I'm hungry, it taste even more delicious than the last time she made this.

"Ramyeon taste the most delicious if you eating it while you really hungry." She eyeing me slurping eagerly, smiling proudly before get up and grab me a glass of water. "And the tastiest water is when you drink it after having a delicious meal."

I want to see if her words are true so I take a drink of my water, and close my eyes right away savoring this feeling of satisfied. "I'm happy."

She laugh, "Right?"

We got silence then, I keep eating while she just staring at me, so I offer her some.

"I'm full."

I keep my hands hanging, try to feed her, my head nodding, forcing her to take it with my mouth busy chewing. She take it finally after giggling softly.

"I'm really full." She said in the middle of her chewing.

I laugh quietly. "Thank you, Rianne."

She just smiling and shrug her shoulders.

"And I'm sorry, really."

"Your mom told me... about your... thing of pushing people."

I put down the bowl. "I never thought it was that bad, I used to think I just like my sollitude so much, I can do everything on my own, I used to think that I don't need constant presence of someone just to accompany me going through in life, to do things for me. I never think I need someone that much for long time..." I look down, "And I... never like people to see me like that. I mean, what my family think of me, what they labeled me, how they disappoint in me, doubting me and never really stand on my side just because my bad personality... or what other people say about me. I don't like being seen like that, weak, vulnerable, and powerless. I don't like you seeing me like that and pitied me then interfere everything and defend me trying to make them see that I'm not that bad. I don't like someone just step inside my life like that... I sometimes don't understand why I'm feeling this, I just... just leave me alone. Sometimes I just want people to leave me alone, I can do it by myself."

I brave myself to see her just blinking, gulping down, and confused about how to react. In the end she just say sorry. "I won't do that again..."

I'm staring at her, "But... I regret that I screamed at you. Because... I'm trying... with you." We looking at each other in silence, "For the first time, I want to try... I should ask your permission first though, because this might hurt you real bad, just like what happened today. But you makes me want to try. I like your presence, your companion... I like you, so I'm trying with you. Can I try with you?"

Now her expression is determined, she stand up and approach me, without saying anything take me to her embrace. Her hands wrap around my neck so I snugde my head to her and close my eyes, feeling this hug deeper. Funny how hug can feel this meaningful after some honest talk. Funny how hug can transfer this deep feeling from one to another. Funny how hug makes one feel okay again. Because this hug is just like that.

So I wrap my hands on her too, hugging her the same.

"Try with me all you want, I don't mind." She whisper and I feel her heartbeat.

"I don't want to hurt you, you've gone so many bad things, if I try but failed, I think I'm gonna give you another pain. I think you should think about it more, Rianne."

"I have nothing to lose." She kind of laugh, "My life? My life right now is practically in your hands. You brought me to live again, I don't mind whatever you want to do about it. Besides, I like you too. I like being with you here, it surprisingly fun to have everything I need without I need to make such efforts to gain it." She laugh, "I have something to look forward to keep on going everyday since I live here, and I like it. I never run out of food, if I need something you'll buy it for me, there's hot water in my bathroom, I can play piano everytime, everything I ever dream is here."

I smile and lift up my head to look at her, "So, it's a challenge?"

"Hm, let's challenge this. Let's do this slowly, let's be better together, us."

"Sounds motivational."

She laugh then put me back to her embrace, tighter even.

"How did you get home, by the way?"

"Your mom drive me."

"She likes you too."

"She said she still hoping for me."

I laugh.

"Looks like I'm your only hope, Park Jaehyung?"

I look at her again, "I want to try hard to make this works. I told you I want to make it right this time." I pull herself to sit on my lap and kiss her.

I'm stupid if I let this just go. This is the first time I ever feel like this to someone, the first time there's someone who makes me want to try. I won't let it pass just like that.

My life after that talk is going so beautifully. Me and Rianne, us. Our relationship is more like a lover now. You know that heart thump, butterflies on stomach, messed up mind? For the first time in my life I can genuinely feel that. Most surprising is when I far from her outside of town, how I feel like to just fly across the distance to be with her, to sleep in her embrace again is very much real. Yes, we sleep together often, and I'd confidently say that feels real good.

Wonpil seems noticed it, my change of routines, and keep saying that he like this side of me more. Less grumbling, more focus on works, more commit. So I guess this is good? Seems love really bring a positive vibe like this if you meet the right person? Does that mean I really in love with her?

Not so sure, but this urge to keep being with her when I'm out of town is real.

And just like me who got better because of her, I see her getting better too day by day. She smiles a lot, messing up my mind even more, laugh and talk more. She went to job interview regularly, seems to found her motivation again, her eyes looks brighter now, more beautiful. So much alive.

I'm proud of her.

"You can go home Jae, I know you miss her so much." Wonpil said after we done another important meeting.

I got potential investor who will support me to build our own online selling system, we just need to present it to the board as appealing as possible, to touch them in the most rationalize and logic way, to be approved to run this. But it gonna be on a battle first, with Sungjin's idea that completely opposite from mine. This is not the first time though, it happened many times actually. But this time, I really want to win, I never feel the urge to beat him so much like this. And it bring a confident in me, in a good way. So I enjoying this.

And here it comes my one and only competitor. Sungjin walk casually in front of me, approaching me with that usual confidence in him. Seriously, his confidence level is no joke. He always looks so sure with what he's doing, no wonder people always trust him. Every decisions he make, people will obey and follow without much questioning. He's one powerful man who capable to snatch my rightful company away from me, Wonpil said it one day.

"Can we talk?"

"If it's about the big meeting on Monday..."

"No, it's about Rianne." He cuts my words.

I blink.

So we ended up sitting in my favorite restaurant, Sungjin eyeing Wonpil who still sitting here with us after we order.

"It's okay, he knows." I said assuring him.

"Yeah, you both can talk openly, I'm just here because I'm hungry." Wonpil adding the assurance to him.

"You know Rianne, too?" He asked Wonpil.

"I took care of her administrations while she's unconscious in hospital, checked her condition once or twice."

She sigh in unbelievable, "She surely is known by many people now."

"There are much more people know her, you'll be surprised if I tell you." I laugh thinking about the fact that she met my family and had a dinner together once. "So what about her you want to talk about? She's doing fine."

"I want you to let her go."

I staring at him then tilted my head. Our food come so our conversations got paused until the waitress leaves our table again.

"What do you mean?" I smirk.

"Don't hold her, let her go."

"What do you mean let her go? You said it like I'm prisoning her."

"Is that what you do? You make her live with you and make use of her for your own interest."

"What?" I want to laugh so bad. "What makes you think like that?"

"There's no other reason I can think of. I found her a place, I will lend her my money to pay the rent for a few months, but she refused."

I tilted my head again, not sure which should I react to first, the fact that he found her a place to live or the fact that she refused the offer.

"The reason she live with you in the first place is because she has no place to live, well she has now, why would she keep live there with you? I don't understand."

"And you assumed that because I hold her to make use of her for my own good? Do you ever think that she might just want to do it? That it's maybe what she want?"

"Want what? To be with you? She wants to be with you?" He smirking and laughing unbelievably, and I feel like I being mocked right now, attacked.

What if she really want to be with me? Is that some kind of joke to him?

"I always let her do what she want to do, I never force her to do something she doesn't want to."

"She's not in her right mind to decides what she wants right now."

What?! What the hell is he talking about?

"She's in pain, she got hurt too many times..."

"That she tried to end her life, I know." I cuts his words.

"Right, and she doesn't deserve to be hurt again. Let's face it Jae, you're not good for her, you'll hurt her eventually without you realized it. You're not serious with her, you'll get bored and leave her after you got what you need, she'll crumble again, then. I just want her to feel okay again, to be safe again."

"Then where were you that night?" I don't want to run again from what people think of me, I don't want to be unbothered by those opinion, I want to confront it and prove them wrong. I have enough being misunderstood. "When she was standing on top of building ready to jump, where were you?!" I raised my voice.

Wonpil closing his eyes, gritted his teeth.

"When she was in hospital, where were you? Why she didn't ask you for help? Why she ran away from you instead?!" I'm upset, I don't care anymore. I'm done with what people think of me. I'm not that evil of a man, for god's sake.

He surely taken aback by my emotional outburst, he never thought I'll react this way. He used to me being unbothered by many things, but I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't know why I feel like this either.

"She's getting better. Do you know that night after she discharged? She went to her ex's party..."

"I know, I met her."

"She was with me, all night. Do you know she tried to end her life again?"

"I didn't know... that time she didn't tell me anything about that, she said she just..."

"She didn't want you to know because she didn't want you to worried about her. She was ashamed of herself, she had no confidence to face you. Her life ruined, she lost everything and had no one comfortable enough to talk about it. I just want to help her. And she's getting better now. She's fine with me, she finding job again, she want to live again. Make use of her for my own good?" I let out a soft laugh, "Ask her if I ever do that to her. You should believe in her first to be able to help her. Ask her if I ever did something out of her will."

Silence. Louder than every silence I've ever experienced.

"Look, I'm not saying that I'm the best person to her. I'm not saying that she's alive now because of me. Because it's all on her. She's the one who made decision to try to live again, I just help her come to that decision, somehow. Sure I can't assure you I won't hurt her in the future, I don't know what will happen, just like you don't know what will happen too, but I'll try. For god's sake, I'm trying to make it right. I don't want to hurt her, either. I always let her do what she want to do, that's all you need to know. I hope she's happy too now with me. I'll let her go if she want to go."

Wonpil nodding his head, "End of case."

-


	16. Chapter 16

"Do you think I'm too... depend on Jae?" I asked Jamie after our session ends. She said I can talk whatever I think about to her, so that's what I do.

She smiles first softly, "What do you mean?"

"Well... Jae gave me everything. A place to live, food, this..." I move my hands to her room and to herself as a way to describe this therapy session with her, because I know, this session is not cheap, right?

"Jae want to help."

"I know, it's just..." I lick my lips, "Lately I feel like I'm too depend on him, like... I'm nothing if not because of him..."

"So you feel... wrong about it?"

"I don't know, I just... it makes me feel like some..." I frowning my forehead, "...I don't know, parasite? I just take an advantage of this comfort he gave me..."

"You're not taking an advantage, Rianne. You're being helped. It must be feels strange, but that's how it feels for being helped. You can just received and make a useful of it."

"Make a useful of it?"

"By getting better. Prove that the help you received makes you better. As simple as that." She shrug her shoulders, "And look at you, you clearly getting better. You try to find job again, you talk more, more expressive too, you're very much alive now. Besides, you guys both actually helping each other." Jamie smile, "You might not know Jae before you, but I see the difference vividly. He's more... human." She's shooking her head, a little unsure too with her choice of words.

We laugh.

"He started to treasure people around him. I knew because his mom regularly meet me too, and talked about it." She smiles, "He started to give meaning to every actions he did."

"He said he want to make it right."

"See? That's how you help him. So never bother about you being what? Parasite?" She shrug it off by a little laugh.

"But is that what other people see me?"

"Oh, Rianne. Don't mind what other people see or think. They didn't know you, they didn't know Jae. They just see what they want to believe. Don't mind it. Keep focus on your recovery first, please."

I got silence for awhile, thinking once again if I really should bring this up, but I end up ask her, "What do you think if I moving out?"

"You found a place?"

I blink and look away, "Someone found me a place. You know, the main reason I live with him back then is because I don't have a place to live, I broke, running out of money, so I didn't have a choice. He helped me and I really thankful for that. Now someone found me a place, willing to lend some money, and I'll get a job again eventually. My life seems to be back to normal again...? What do you think if I moving out of his house?"

She touch her chin thinking, "Well if that's the case, honestly it's not bad though, for you. It actually good for your recovery, you gain your confidence back by your own efforts, that's the point of all this treatment."

I'm nodding my head agreeing her because that's what I really feel.

"So what makes you hesitate?"

This is the part that I don't really understand or sure of. I don't know why I hesitate to moving out and leave him. Sungjin's offer actually is what I need, right? But why I refused? Why I still want to live there with him? Am I afraid to not be able to see him again? It's not mean I will really cut the connection with him if I live by myself, right? We still can meet each other, like a common lover, if we really in that term of lover, though, because it's confusing. Am I really allowed to love him?

"It's him."

"Afraid that you might make him lonely?"

I don't know, dear god, I don't know why exactly I feel like this. He just started to let me step into his life, he tried to open up his life to visitor, he said he want to try. If I go then, is that mean I just ruin everything?

I just want to keep being with him, but that feeling of being a burden still lingers too. What should I do?

Jamie take a deep breath and nod her head, "Okay let's continue tomorrow, don't pressure it too much, okay? Slowly. We can untangle this together slowly like we always did." She smile reassuringly before escort my leaving.

-  
**-Jae's PoV-**

I'm finish reviewing my presentation material for tomorrow, now I just chill on my bed checking and replying some email, while she still pressing random notes on the piano.

"Play me a song." I take a peek at her.

She pressing random notes again before play the intro to a child's song, I automatically sing in the middle of my laughing. Then she randomly turn it to Ra.D's I'm in Love and start singing it too. I kind of taken aback so I move to the side to look at her better. I harmonized a little, but let her finish the song all by herself, I cheer her surprised by her voice then she back to playing 3 Bears song that makes me laugh again.

I lay on my stomach still looking at my phone when she stand up and come to me. She put her body on top of me, on my back, chin on my shoulder.

"Am I heavy?"

"You surely gain weight." She laugh, "But I still can handle it, so it's okay."

Then silence. A comfortable silence. She wrap her hands around me and I put one side of my head on it, put down my phone forgetting it. Then Sungjin's words about me holding her to go is come to mind. Not gonna lie that his words lingers, it makes me wondering.

"Let me hug you too." I said so she stir up until we lay on our back, my right hand in the back of her head as a pillow.

Another comfortable silence, I just staring at the ceiling, debating with myself if I should talk about what Sungjin's said. Afraid that it will distract my focus on Monday if I keep wondering like this, I decided to just confront it, so I called her name to start.

"You Rianne me, this must be serious."

I laugh a little, "Should we play a game?"

"Okay, what game?"

"It's kind of like Your Game..." She laugh, "...but by asking each other and we should answer it with truth."

"That's truth or dare but without a dare."

"Right, I'm so stupid." We laugh.

"So what you curious about?"

"Rianne, I kind of think... lately... if you feel like I'm... forcing you to keep staying here..."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... is this what you want? Living here with me? If you happen to found another place to live... would you leave right away? Or would you keep stay here just because you... I don't know, owe me or anything? Am I holding you to leave?"

"And I can only answer that with the truth?"

I mumble, prepare myself.

"The truth is I found a place already. Sungjin found it for me, maybe he talked to you already about it so you asked this."

"True." I commenting with a little laugh and a nodded head. 

"But I don't know too... should I leave?"

"Tell me what do you think first."

"I don't know, I just... living alone like I used to surely means my life is get back to normal again. It means I get my confidence back to keep on living with my own efforts again, because honestly, I start to feel like I depend on you too much."

She get silence so I respon, "But...?"

"But... another part of me don't want to leave you."

"Why? Because I kind of... hold you unintentionally? Because I said I want to try to let you come into my life?"

"You're not holding me. You never hold me or force me to do anything, Jae. I do it because I chose to do it. I'm the one who decided."

"Right? I didn't force you, did I?"

"You kind of persuaded me real hard..." we laugh, "...but you always let me make my own decision."

"Glad to hear that." I smile in relieved. It's so reliving that I move myself to her to hug her. "So what's your decision this time?"

"Honestly I still don't know what to do. You want to try to persuade me again?"

"You're getting better, Rianne. Seems like you will get another job too, soon."

"I found a reason to keep on living, too."

"Right? That's good, then. So there's no reason for me to keep holding you here." She turn her head and look at me. "Like you said, living with your own again will bring back your confidence fully, you'll be complete again, become who you are again."

"But...?" She said very quietly it came out just as whisper.

"But I'll be happier if you stay." I hug her tighter my hands circle on her body fitting so perfectly.

She smiles so genuinely pretty, "That persuassive skill of yours..." she kiss me short and quick. "What about what people think? They'll see me as parasite. Or a burden."

"Since when you mind what people think? I'm the one living with you, they don't see what I see. That's what you said back then." Now it's me who give her a peck, "You never be a burden."

"Yeah? What am I then?"

"Present. A gift."

We kiss properly then.

"What's your reason to keep on living now, though?"

"Do you still have to ask?"

"What? I don't know, what is it?"

"You. Park Jaehyung, you."

"Me?" I smirking happily my eyes blinking rapidly. "You shouldn't make me your reason, Rianne."

"I want to prove it to you that I can make you want me. I have some confidence in that, I can make you want me to stay with you for a long time, be a part of your life. Bored with me? I will make you come to me again in no time."

"That sounds like a very hard job, though."

"I'll make it a challenge." She's smiling, her eyes are smiling along it looks so beautiful.

And that realization hit me, butterflies there again on my stomach. Time feels like stopping when she smile brightly like this even sun can't compete. We're staring deeply then, silence. Until I feel her fingers on my shoulders and neck.

I gulp down, "I like you so much. It feels strange, but my heart's beating like crazily right now."

She kiss me.

I grip her head and kiss her deeper, saying on her lips, "Live for me, Rianne. Don't ever try to leave this world again." before we kissing more passionately until both of us out of breath.

"I love you."

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so... I finish this. It might be too fictional and less real, also less plot twist, but I just want to write happy things recently. Writing this makes me think of happy scenes although it's fictional. I kind of need something like that these days. Happy stories. So... leave kudos if you like or comment if you want to talk about something.
> 
> Also, very sad with what happening globally right now, hope everyone stay safe, healthy, and hygiene. Wash your hands regularly and eat healthy food, take care of your immunity. World will soon get better.
> 
> Came here again to add a word: having mental issues is normal. People can experience that in certain times one way or another because we're human being. It's normal. Spread that words, break the stigma. It's okay to get treatment for your mental health, nothing wrong with that, as Jae said over and over again. Let's us do our part to change the stigma. Support #FromFriendsJaeAndJed and spread the words ❤


End file.
